Music Store Free Paintings Portfolio

Saturday, October 31, 2015

Space Cat Only Happens for a Moment

This is what my interpretation of "space cat" is. Now I'm concerned he's not able to breathe out there.

Friday, October 30, 2015

Not to Mention Pecking Dive Bombs

This the the Boston University Boston Terrier mascot vs. the University of Louisville Cardinal mascot. They look like an even matchup but realistically, a fight between a dog and a bird would end very gruesomely. That is to say, if the bird stuck around to actually battle. He could just fly away immediately following the match's starting bell. Which would be pretty uneventful. So wait, the fight would either be a mouth full of feathers or a dog just standing, dumbfounded by himself in a ring. Ok, maybe it's a good matchup.

Thursday, October 29, 2015


If M.C. Escher was a minimalist. This would be all he would paint.

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

So The One on the Right Is a Plant

This is a jellyfish and a sunfish. I assume they have those names based on what they eat.

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

I'll Need to Pick Up Some Red and Green Bed Sheets

I just realized that I've never been to a toga party. What the heck?! I need to fix this immediately. I wonder if my family will be cool with a themed Christmas dinner this year.

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Use Out-of-Fashion Glasses If You Find Your Fruit Becomes Too Cool

One of my really great friends from college is getting married this weekend! Why am I telling you this? Because it means I'll be in Portland, MC-ing their wedding reception. Why am I telling you that? Because it means I won't be painting until next week. Now you know. Back in a bit!

True fact that is accurate and helpful information: This is the best way to protect your produce from rotting. It blocks the sun and also makes the fruit really cool.

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Art Is Open to Interpretation

If the person that requested this flower doesn't respond when I email this picture to tell them their painting is done and ask where to mail it, I can always hang on to it until someone requests a pinwheel.

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Bugs Have a Place in Art Heaven

Supposedly, Catholics believe heaven is for humans. Recently the Pope said, “Holy Scripture teaches us that the fulfillment of this wonderful design also affects everything around us.” Some people interpreted that as "Animals get into heaven!" So like, insects, too?

Monday, October 19, 2015

Deftones Drag

This is actually the same horse from the previous post. He just likes to dress a bit differently on the weekend.

Sunday, October 18, 2015

I Swear It Was Accidental, Mom

This is my interpretation of the Deftones "White Pony" album cover. "Riding the white pony" refers to using crystal methamphetamine. I didn't know that until after I painted this. Does that mean I created an interpretation of crystal meth without knowing it?

Saturday, October 17, 2015

Guessing on the Requesting

This Pokemon's name is Fennekin. The requester asked for me to paint her daughter's favorite pokemon, Finagan. Finagan is not a Pokemon species. I Googled a bit and guessed this is the one she actually meant. Parents, am I right?? Don't even know Pokemon names, jeez. This was a living example of "Pokemon According to My Dad". Anyway, it's still unconfirmed that I got the right one because her response was:
OMG... This is so amazing... I absolutely love this... Thank you so much, you will have made a 9 year olds day!!!!
So yeah it's certainly positive. But there's also certainly a chance I would get that response even if I sent her the completely wrong species. We shall never knowwwwwww... Unless she sees this post and comments on it or emails me or something whatever the internet is weird sorry for broadcasting my private contemplations.

Comfort Zone

This is a cyborg ninja from the game, Metal Gear Solid. The requester asked for it to be "cute-ified". I'm always psyched when people encourage me to head into the adorable. I'm especially concerned with video game characters because I stereotype and assume the requester is male and expect that he wants the subject to be manly and scary. Like when I painted the Shambler from Quake, I worried that I went overboard. It was fun to know I was allowed to go overboard with this guy.

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Real Mutants Wear Pastel

It takes some serious muscles and anger management issues to be able to pull off purple pants. Well... it's more like he's ripping them off.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Good Luck Un-Hearing This

This guy's name is what someone with a lisp says to describe how their muscles feel when they work out a lot.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015


The second painting in the series for my postwoman. The USPS should change their uniforms to something more like this.

Monday, October 12, 2015

I Make Lines on Canvas and in Post Offices

Ok, back to the daily painting! I would apologize for the lapse but I'm sure you appreciated the video enough to justify it ;)

I am friends with my postal carriers. Well, specifically the ones that work at the office nearest to my apartment. I go to them once a month, every month, with a stack of 30 or so packages. These packages are always identical, rigid, 12x12 manilla envelopes and they always incite an incredibly long line of annoyed post office patrons behind me.

Now, when I say I'm friends with my postal carriers, that doesn't mean they don't hate seeing me walk in the door. The main reason I'm friends with them is because I actively make it a point to be so they aren't as miserable about the giant monthly stacks of work I bring them. Since moving to LA, my postal carriers have started to recognize me and my on-going mailing habits but I haven't crossed into the friend level. UNTIL NOW!

This painting is for Sherry. And the following three paintings are also for Sherry. (Actually, Sherry's son.) She just recently took one of our usual chats to ask what was actually in all the packages she was inputting and labeling. I showed her my Instagram feed. She asked if I'd ever done any superheroes. I showed her dozens. She told me her son likes the Avengers. I am very excited for my next visit to the post office where four of the paintings will be sans-manilla envelope and handed directly to their new owner. And not just because I need to be friends with my postal carriers. I hope she really likes the series I made and I hope she has even more fun than I did handing them over when she gives them to her son.

Friday, October 9, 2015

It's Like a Blog Post But I'm Talking and Moving and Stuff

Hi! I missed posting the last two days. I'm suuuuuure you noticed. Anyway, it was because I've been working on the thing below! My first episode got a pretty darn good response so I made number two!

I guess I'm still going. So far. We shall see. [DEVIL EMOJI]

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Look at That Smug Smile. He Knows.

We get it, corgi. You are smaller and cuter than me. You're the same kind of threatening as a baby. Only worse because now you are clearly also more talented.

I Think Neil Strauss Is Under There

Medieval knights were definitely peacocking.

Monday, October 5, 2015

The Second Version Will Look Quite Different

I don't know what I'm going to do when I get a request for "Sting covering a Ray Charles song while dressed as a crab" because I already used the filename "stingraycrab.jpg" for this painting.

Sunday, October 4, 2015

People Are Original

It is ridiculously common for people to say, when they hear I'm an artist, "Oh really? I can't even draw a stick figure." Like, those exact words. I hear that all the time. I don't know what it is but people love telling artists that they can't draw stick figures. Despite the fact that I've heard it a very large number of times and am confident that I will continue to hear it from this moment on, I have yet to come up with something to say back. Ok, here are some options:

1) Neither can I.
2) Yeah, you have to pass that test at the end of art school.
3) I try to avoid body shaming my figures.
4) Picasso made a career on that.
5) I can't even... accounting?... I don't know. What do you do for a living?
6) Prove it.

Saturday, October 3, 2015

Not Practical for Hiking Until You're Stuck In a Valley

If you had a pair of ruby slippers that could get you home from anywhere, would it be worth it to have that power any time? I mean, considering the fact that you'd have to look like a dope always wearing ruby slippers.

Friday, October 2, 2015

Technology Trouble

Usually my head is exploding in front of a computer and not the other way around.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

How Hippies Release

This is from the cover of Grateful Dead's live double album titled "Steal Your Face". I don't know enough about Grateful Dead because I pretty much assumed all of their albums were live and at least two discs.