Music Store Free Paintings Portfolio

Monday, September 30, 2013

Double the Beaver

i grew up in a place called beaver. our high school mascot was a bobcat, though. what the heck? it would be so much cooler to be the Beaver Beavers.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

One Weirdo Right After Another

i forgot to post yesterday. sorry! here's what you missed along with today's. it feels like they belong together because they're both so darn weird.

this requester wanted a barbed wire and dead fish sandwich that's on fire. well, i'll try anything once. i have to remember on my next grocery store trip to also stop by home depot.

this is for a nurse that likes music and science. she said i should mix something with bacteria and music. as a musician/germaphobe, this painting gives me some serious cognitive dissonance.

Friday, September 27, 2013

This Relationship Stinks

the guy that requested my original asshat decided he needed a wife. at first i didn't like that the asshat had found love but then i realized they probably make each other's lives miserable.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Took Me Until I Finished the Painting to Figure It Out

sure, seems like a cute little idea at first. then you realize it's a painting about bestiality.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

So Much Art in One Art

leonardo, michelangelo, donatello, raphael... with a warhol influence.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Monday, September 23, 2013

Your Purse Had Better Be a Prickerproof Insulated Cooler

this request is from a woman who occasionally gets into a state where she seems awake but is actually dreaming. during that state she talks to people. this painting is about the following thing she said while in this state.
You can't shoplift an elephant. It won't fit in your purse. You can, however, shoplift a penguin or a hedgehog or possibly both, depending on how big the penguin is and how big your purse is.
she may be dreamtalking but she speaks the truth.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Mine Also Has More Stuff Inside

the one i've got in my head is even cuter than this.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Intimidatingly Huggable

this is a shambler. a menacing monster from the video game called Quake. yes, he's a fanged, blood-stained, sharp-clawed, terrifying beast. that won't stop me from making him freakin' adorable.

Friday, September 20, 2013

I Think That Means I Have to Also Paint This In Every Color Ever

this is a timing screw. another check mark in my quest to paint everything there ever was ever.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

I Got Express Written Consent from the PHL for This Reproduction

sweeeeeeeet! one of the Power Hour League teammates requested the PHL logo! i'm too excited to be funny about it. also, go get drafted into the league!

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

And Soaked in Butter

how appropriate that this pierogi painting came after my series of three pittsburgh sports logos. in this city, we like are carbs wrapped in carbs.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

You Don't Need Helmets When You've Got Bandanas

the Pittsburgh Pirates should play in the outfit this guy's wearing. how kickbutt would those uniforms be?? big old three-corner hats and mandatory ear piercing for the entire team.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Got To Keep That Neck Warm

the Pittsburgh Penguins should play in the outfit this guy's wearing. how kickbutt would those uniforms be?? a team of dudes in nothing but skates, hockey gloves and scarves.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

It Would Probably Be Both

the Pittsburgh Steelers should play in the outfit this guy's wearing. how kickbutt would those uniforms be?? a wall of huge athletes in overalls coming at you would be super intimidating. or super funny.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Friday, September 13, 2013

Available in Grey and Brown

displaying both the horizontal and vertical models.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

His Batting Helmet Would Need Ear Holes

the final in the series commissioned by the three-cat owner. three-cat owner said this cat likes batting at things. i should have made him a baseball player.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Translating Life to Art

this is number two in the series commissioned by the three-cat owner. three-cat owner said this cat is lazy. i made the bold choice to paint the cat laying down.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Catty Cat

this is one of three cats that a three-cat owner commissioned. the three-cat owner said this cat was mean so i made her look like a jerkface.

Monday, September 9, 2013

A Different Kind of Cloud-Enveloped High

this is Everest. the highest you can get while standing on earth. Snoop Dogg should have changed his name to Everest.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

For Drugs, Guns and Now Art

this bitcoin painting was donated for with bitcoin. cool!

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Zoom in and Enhance

a company wanted their app icon turned into a free painting. it turns out i'm the most impressive image scanner on the planet. you can input an image at 57x57 pixels and i'll output a copy that's 12x12 inches at 360 dpi.

Friday, September 6, 2013

Fanny Pun

i should have painted the teddy bear with his pants down showing his butt.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

You Get the Voyage Out and the Return Trip

you love me to which moon? earth's moon? that's not nearly loving me as far as if it was to one of neptune's 13 moons.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

A Painting of Absolutely Nothing

with this piece, i really branched out and depicted something i've never painted before. nothing! there's no air inside this vacuum tube. can you tell by my expert rendering?

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

My French Teacher Would Be Proud... Kinda

this kind of dog is called a papillon. i was going to make a pun that this is a painting of butterfly because i remembered that name is something similar to the french word for butterfly. then i looked up the actual french word for butterfly. turns out "papillon" is not similar to the french word for butterfly. it IS the french word for butterfly. so yeah, there goes my pun.