Music Store Free Paintings Portfolio

Saturday, March 31, 2012

If You Love TV So Much, Why Don't You Marry It?

if i ever met this guy, the first thing i'd say to him would sound like lyrics from a bad love song. "i just want to stare at your face all night long until i fall asleep."

Friday, March 30, 2012

I've Discovered Why Purses Are Seen as So Feminine

i just now noticed i didn't give this kangaroo a pouch. then i looked up if dude kangaroos have pouches and they don't. just like dude humans don't have uteruses. so a kangaroo pouch is like a uterus. and a kangaroo purse. i like this weird connection. i won't look at purses the same way after this.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Would Make a Good Porn Name

this is H. P. Lovecraft. he's famous for crafting stories but he's labeled as someone who crafts love.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Talented Otter

he's waving "hello" with his hand. and foot!

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Meta Painting

a painting of what comprises said painting.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Roads with Rooves

ok i'm back from my travels! time to paint the crap out of some free art.

this is a covered bridge which is kind of similar to a tunnel. similar enough that i am going to take this opportunity to rant about tunnels (seeing as i doubt i will ever get a request for a painting of a tunnel yet i desire to express my feelings towards them).

MAINTAIN SPEED THROUGH TUNNELS! as a native of pittsburgh, a city that's got too many tunnels for it's own good, i'm sick of tunnel traffic. for some reason yinzers can drive on a road but once it's a road with a roof they've got to hit the breaks. next time you're in a tunnel, look up at the reflection on the ceiling and you'll see tons of break lights turning on and off. these are the break lights of dumb people. or frustrated people stuck behind dumb people. or frustrated people stuck behind frustrated people stuck behind frustrated people that were initially slowed down by dumb people that passed through the tunnel hours ago. man, functioning in the world with other humans is complex. and difficult.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

All Good Art Is NSFW

i know i just got back from SXSW but. . . i'm kind of a big deal. hah. i'm flying to California tomorrow morning to play another show. i'm sorrryyyy! please don't be upset! i'll paint again on monday. i promise!

this is the masturbating bear from conan o'brien's show. great. i just typed the word "masturbating" (twice!) and now my site is going to get flagged as porn and no one on a work computer will be able to see my (mostly) harmless paintings. remember yesterday when i said my mom is 90 seconds less productive every day because she reads my blog? well that's all over now because she's going to get "SURF CONTROLLED!" over my naughty word.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

1,717 Paintings Before an Angel Appeared

i have returned from the chaos that was SXSW! it was crazy fun. and now painting again will also be crazy fun. i'm sure my mom is excited to go back to being 90 seconds less productive at work every day. (hopefully my mom's boss doesn't read my blog, too.)

proof that people on the internet are weird: i got TWO requests for tiny angels in peanut butter before i got a request for just an angel.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

This Blog Is Not Abandoned!

edit: last minute change! here's the new time and venue for my SXSW show!

i'm going to SXSW! i'll be networking and partying (possibly not in that order) so i must pause my one-a-day paintings. don't worry, i'll be back in less than two weeks!

come to my Drinking Game Concert if you'll be in Austin for the convention! i'm performing at Pinballz Arcade on Friday the 9th at 10:15!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Green + Yellow + Red = Bob

what if bob marley decided he liked blue? there's nothing he can do about it. there's no room for the color blue in bob marley's life.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Don't Be Jealous

i can relate to wizards because both of us can basically get away with wearing our pajamas to work.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

I Will Paint All the Turtles

i'm running out of ways to paint turtles. number 14 is a birds eye view. whomever asks for the 15th one is getting a turtle butt.

Friday, March 2, 2012

He Only Reads It for the Articles

he's smiling because he's actually got a copy of Playgator hidden in a textbook so no one knows what he's really looking at.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Me and My Big Mouth

this request was for something inspired by the Talking Heads album cover for "Remain in Light". i wonder if anyone would pick up on that if i didn't say it. oh well. too late. and here's what the album looks like: