Music Store Free Paintings Portfolio

Monday, December 31, 2012

Happy Old Year!

on the hind side of the moon is 2012. mr. cow is leaping happily into the new year.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Next One Will Be a Triple

i've painted more double hawks than i've painted regular hawks. single hawks. i'm going to start referring to hawks as single hawks.

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Friday, December 28, 2012

Synth Strike

his attack move is melting faces with a sweet solo.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

More Like Unappetizers

when zoidberg is coming to your party and says he's bringing his chum, you don't know if it's a plus one or some appetizers.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

I Can't Believe I Remembered to Post on Boxing Day

i forgot to post again! i got distracted because i think was doing something yesterday. december 25th always seems to be a busy day for me for some reason.

what an impressive trick. this badger can stand on his hind legs.

this request was for a self portrait. i rearranged a few paintings so this one would show up yesterday. well i forgot to post but i'm still going make some reference to this painting coming into the world on the same day Jesus did.

Monday, December 24, 2012

Tree and Dino and Fire and Clock

sorry i forgot to post. here's yesterday's along with today's! also, merry christmas eve! if you're into that type of thing.

he's trying to keep his lovely yellow complexion by staying in the shade.

even when time is burning, it's still happy.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Full of Beer Cans

i was asked for my interpretation or what a trashformer would look like. now looking at the finished product, he seems like he'd be noisy. so, he's loud AND holds refuse. this robot would be great at parties.

Friday, December 21, 2012


this is a painting of two sheep. but don't check my math or you'll get sleepy.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Preparing for the Apocalypse

well i guess this is my last painting ever. i'm going to make a list of the hundreds of people that never donated, go to all their houses, break in, punch them in the face and take back my paintings. then stop at all the houses of the people that donated, break in and give them a hug. i've got less than 24 hours to get this done. i'd better start now. thanks for the heads up, Mayans!

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Painting For a Smart Person

this is a "tesseract". or if that's too hard to remember, it also goes by "8-cell" or "cubic prism" or "regular octachoron". the thing next to it is it's "Coxeter–Dynkin diagram". math's words are harder than it's numbers.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Monday, December 17, 2012

And Tighty Whities Too

he likes to wear a tennis shoe on his back right foot. you just can't see it from this angle.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Also Possibly a Hairdryer

sorry i'm posting a bit late. it's 2am and i just finished packing for a long weekend that includes two concerts. i'm performing in Dallas and then straight to NYC. if you're anywhere near those places, come party with me! i'll post again next week when i return from the traveling/music/awesomeness!

i can't tell if he's pointing a water pistol at me or the real thing.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Cram into the Shell Together

they're planning a house party at turtle's place.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

I'm a Very Big Fan

this is my last post until next week! i'm back touring again. i have a handful of shows all crammed in the next few weeks. this weekend is Baltimore!

i do believe i could create a written transcription of this show right now just by typing from memory from beginning to end.
December 24th, 9PM Easter Standard Time. From here on in I shoot without a script. See if anything comes of it. Instead of my old. . .
ok, i won's subject you to that. especially because the next word is a curse word and my mom would be upset about it.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Today Happens to Be Wednesday! You Should Celebrate Appropriately

i got called shrimp a lot in elementary school. i was very short compared to everyone else. my classmates even celebrated "Ali Day" once a week. on wednesdays we'd have art class which meant walking to the art room. everyone would walk with their knees bent in a slight squat so they were my height. i assume they did this because i was the super talented artist and they were paying homage to me before art class.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Monday, December 3, 2012

Warning: Weird

The Huffington Post asked me to record their theme song for the Weird News section! i also made a video for them using about 160 photos from their weirdest articles. get ready for a whole lot of weird crammed into one minute.

A Jager Bomb Is Actually Even Worse

if we're talking calories to drunk, this guy is pretty freakin' inefficient.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

And Glow in the Dark

this time i painted a neon pink sunflower but the requester asked for it in black and white so you can't tell.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

But Still 100% Pretty Cool

i made him significantly less "uncomfortable" than the one in the video.

Friday, November 30, 2012

I Should Have Put The User Interface Elements in the Painting

this requester has an iPhone, a plan with AT&T and an alarm set. also, she probably has a pet chihuahua.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

DEAL! On an Awesome Thing You Need!

i've decided to try a limited time deal for my Shot Glass USBs. i'm working with to give you my album/game/gadget for the insanely low price of $19.99. yay!

this awesome thing is:
  • my 4th studio album. (60 catchy, danceable one-minute songs by yours truly)
  • a reusable USB drive (hreat for the office)
  • a shot glass (also great for the office! And parties. And church...)
  • a drinking game (huaranteed to take you from 0 to 60 in one hour)
  • a lanyard (stylish and drunk-proof)
i'm quite proud of my creation but not too proud to give it to you cheaply. the holidays are coming and you're gong to need a bunch for your friends. and a bunch for you. get 'em NOW while you can pay me less for them :)

Or I Could Have Painted a Penguin on a Butt

this painting is titled "Penguin On Moon". i didn't call it "Penguin On The Moon" because i'm not sure if it's our moon or some other planet's moon. "our moon" meaning the moon that belongs to us earth inhabitants. i mean, i guess it doesn't belong to us. it belongs to earth, maybe? earth's moon. anyway, it's probably not earth's moon because it's so darn small. or that's one GIANT penguin.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

A No Sweat Pants Policy Is Grounds for Quitting

this dog is dressed more professionally than me. by far. and i'm sitting in my office at work.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Identity Crisis

what happens when you put something other than a fish in a fishbowl?

Monday, November 26, 2012

He's Listening to Wiegenlied: Guten Abend, gute Nacht, Op. 49, No. 4

the headphones fall off and the owl flies away when it becomes a crescent moon.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Future Me Might Think This Post Is Silly

i listened to my past self's advice and watched the first episode of dr. who while i painted this. the former me would be proud of present me.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Even the Name Is Trippy

this is a nudibranch. these creatures are proof that god drops acid.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Making Art People Like Is Basically Gambling

this is my first skull on purple. that's because it's the first time i've painted a skull for a requester that i'm friends with and that's a female. mostly in life i try to avoid assumptions and stereotypes in general and of course about gender but when it comes to fulfilling free painting requests, i don't ever take chances with giving purple to a dude that asked for a skull. i know i'm being sexist assuming a male that wants a skull wouldn't like purple but i'm willing to judge based on cultural assumptions and play the odds when it comes to pleasing a stranger.

Thursday, November 22, 2012


a musician buddy of mine, Ben Landis, wanted a painting so i took some inspiration from his Adventures in Pixels album. check it out because it's pretty cool. he made illustrations to go along with each track. they're all done with black outlines so i figured i would change up from my usual style so as not to cramp his.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

I'm Going to Start Wearing This Uniform Every Day

i was asked to paint a heroic donkey. this donkey has a superhero's cape, a knight's sword and a policeman's hat. triple hero!

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Three Paintings, a Video and a Live Podcast

sorry i flaked for two days in a row! i certainly think excuses are lame. but i'm telling you my reason anyway because you may be interested. i'm performing on the NSFWshow podcast tonight (yay!) and they asked for an original song (whoa!). they also gave me four days notice about it (gah!). so working like crazy on that all weekend made me forget to post my paintings. in case you'd like to hear the new song, it can be found right here. and you can watch me tonight at 10:00pm right here.

i was given the amazing challenge of en-cute-ifying. the image below. 'twas quite fun.

this unicorn is pretty happy and gay. which is redundant to say about a unicorn. also he looks to be the other kind of gay. that, too, may be redundant. perhaps that's why they became extinct.

there are two paws in this photo. and one hand.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Pretty Much an Onomatopoeia

the name thistle is absolutely perfect. sounds like touching something prickly.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Clever Interpretations Probably Result in Disappointed Requesters

this requester asked me to paint bubbles. . . no, not really. she asked for perrier. but i wish she had requested bubbles because then i would be clever.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Is Mixing Up Gender an Insult to Dogs?

this is ed and sally. shh! please don't tell them i can't tell who is who.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

I Just Paint What They Tell Me

this kind of doesn't make sense. if the person is dead, then then angel would be hanging out with him, right? or did the person go to hell so the angel won't see him again. or maybe the angel is the person that's died. he's morning his own death.

Monday, November 12, 2012

New Life Plan

thank you, south korean requester, for calling my attention to things that i needed to know exist. this video and song are awesome. why am i not a member of this "Girls' Generation" group?! i'm just going to move to south korea and sneak into the band. there are like fifty of them. no one will notice.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Feathers in the Mud

i'm assuming the saying, "when pigs fly," came about because it was originally prefaced by, "a dove will get it on with a pig."

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Lazy or Branding?

carl sagan, according to my in-depth research (read: Google image search), wore a light brown blazer over a turtle neck. like, all the friggin' time. that fact has made it easy for me to caricature him. this ease of caricaturization has happened to me in this past. i think i need to start wearing the same thing all the time. then i could be cool like carl sagan, steve jobs and doug funnie.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Reverse Bear Hug

the other way around and it would have been a bit scary. giant panda crushing girl.

by the way, that spot below her nose is a piercing that was a part of the request. not snot or a tear or my brush slipping.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Should Research My Work Better

i've painted dr. who, two k-9's and three tardis' now. i'll actually watch this show.