Music Store Free Paintings Portfolio

Saturday, December 31, 2011

You Like the Daily Art? Try the Daily Drinking Songs!

tomorrow is the beginning of 2012 as well as my 60 Days of Drinking! "what's that", you ask? why it's only 60 days of insight into my genius (and drunkenness). check out my power hour site for details.

yeah, i guess i like posting one thing a day.

Not Gonna Happen

this is based on the south park episode where they call kanye west a gay fish. within one day of that episode airing, kanye posted on his blog that it was funny, although it hurt his feelings. i hope kanye blogs about my painting.

Friday, December 30, 2011

The Art Is a Lie

this is a fictitious cake from the video game known as portal. when you're solving puzzles in portal, you are encouraged to keep going with the promise of cake. once you've gotten far enough in the game, you see scrawls on the wall from past puzzle solvers saying "the cake is a lie". now the phrase "the cake is a lie" is used to express the sentiment that "your promised reward is merely a fictitious motivator".

Thursday, December 29, 2011

VLW Traps Don't Even Need Bait

the bear is exhausted from tending to his giant roses all day and avoiding the bear trap.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011


he's lighter and sleeker without that cumbersome front right leg.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Infinity Ball, Corner Pocket

good thing i was asked to write the word "eight" on this one because some people may have mistaken it for the infinity ball.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Collaborative Art and a Nativity Rabbit

sorry i forgot to post yesterday. something distracted me. i think. yeah i know something was going on yesterday that stole my attention. whatever it was, i'm posting yesterday's with today's.

i can't believe i encouraged writing on my artwork. i tried. i tried to get this requester to tell me a name before i finished but they still hadn't decided. now i have clearly invited someone to mark my work. i'm imagining them using a bic pen.

this was christmas day's painting. were there bunnies in the manger?

Saturday, December 24, 2011

You're Welcome, Rodents

this is what's happening in my apartment right now. i'm home for the holidays so the rats are all out of hiding, having a christmas eve party and drinking my beer.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Probably a Memorial Painting

i'm back! and i had a very happy birthday.

this guy is a character in the video game called StarCraft. according to a wiki about the game, these marines "tend to have extremely short combat lives". so this dude was just made to die.

Friday, December 16, 2011

This Art Has Repeating Elements

this is my last post until i'm one year older. i'm going to NYC for the weekend to celebrate my birthday! be back next week.

uses of the word "love": 2
number of hearts: 3
commas: 2

Thursday, December 15, 2011

I Once Met a Level 18 Sculptor

this is what all the art majors at my school had. they used them to hang all the keys they owned from their hips. the more keys you had, the more powerful of an artist you were. it was like a video game where you could proudly display your achievement level.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Delicious Painting

my server calmed and came to it's senses. a couple of hours too late, but it's ok. i'm just happy we're friends again.

this is for a lion named aria. zebra is her favorite food.

Server Fail

i'm posting on time! but my server is being poopy and won't let me connect to it. so i have a painting for you but i have no way of showing it :( hopefully my piece of the internet will stop being mad at me before midnight so i can upload.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

A Late Post and an Extra Late Post

gah! i forgot to post on monday and i'm late posting for tuesday. here are two. today's is coming later.

someone wanted the scariest zombie i could imagine. i'm glad i get to give this one away.

talking dogs sound a lot like talking robots. maybe it's because they use the same voice actor.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

I Just Didn't Want to Use a Brownish-Green

this is vietnam. artistic liberties were taken. the real one isn't yellow and red striped.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Gravity Goes Up in This Painting

sorry i'm late to post today. i may still be nursing a hangover from this.

she must be in china.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Just a Friendly Beating

a dude wanted me to paint him punching his friend. also the dude wanted to be wearing a hunting hat.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Good Art Raises So Many Questions

what is going on here? is the turtle dead? is it some angel turtle that's come back to speak to mr. squirrel and mrs. wolf? is the turtle dive bombing for some delicious squirrel and wolf meat? what is the koopa paratroopa doing with a couple of less-fantastical animals? is the squirrel giant or are the wolf and winged turtle babies?

Monday, December 5, 2011

Ali Spagnola & the Internet Conquest (Volume 1)

i watched this movie last week. it made me wish my life was more like a comic book.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Romeo and Juliet

the feud has gone on as long as anyone can remember. norths just don't mix with souths. but when these two creatures from different ends of the earth came together, they discovered how much they had in common. sure, they didn't see eye to eye literally, but figuratively was a whole different story. thus began their forbidden love.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

I Got an A+ In Color Mixing

thank goodness i went to art school. i acquired the skills i needed to know every color of the rainbow when requested.

Friday, December 2, 2011

At Least Now I Know It's Not French

google translate tells me that "porsche" is german for "porsche".

Thursday, December 1, 2011

I Wonder If Warhol Ever Got Free Soup from Campbell's

this is a free painting of the logo for a brewing company. i know there's a "free as in beer" joke in there somewhere.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Not Getting Wet Is a Motivator

he's a really good sailor because he hates water so much.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Two Penguins Were Harmed During the Making of This Painting

professional penguins on a closed course. do not try this at home.

Get Smashed with Me!

come to my power hour drinking game concert next week! i'll be playing 60 one-minute songs at Diesel in Pittsburgh and the audience will be drinking 60 shots! it's the CD release party for The Power Hour Album. check out more info about the event on facebook.

Friday, Dec. 9th
The Power Hour Album CD release party
Diesel Club Lounge Pittsburgh, PA
$5 cover
Doors open at 9:00 - The first shot is at 10:00

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Dumb Question and a Dumb Pun

the holiday weekend made me forget to post so here are two today.

the giraffe is scared all the time. and the panda speaks very straightforwardly. get it? yellow. black and white. hah!

is the helmet law for all primates or just homo sapiens?

Friday, November 25, 2011

The Head of the Household Is Exactly the Same Throughout All Time

here's homer simpson drinking a beer. no wait, it's peter griffin. . . . er, ralph kramden?

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

You Don't Even Have to Be Doing a Power Hour, Though It's Recommended.

it's the biggest drinking night of the year. you should drunk text me while you're out partying! check out The 27th Shot website for more info.

Tomorrow I Have No Work and Get to Eat a Lot!

here's some coral reef. . . yep. . . mmm hmm. . . you know what. it's bon jovi friday. i am completely checked out.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Monday, November 21, 2011

Money Made of Free Paintings

a guy i know who is awesome/nerdy wrote a computer program to create mosaics out of all my free paintings! i suggested something money related to be ironic and he chose euros because they're colorful. look how cool it turned out!

The Other Other White Meat

ad design for a rabbit steak company.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

The Things We Do For Fashion

this season's hot look: purple tie with aviators. also, no head.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

The Naked Ones Need to Be Extra Careful with That Open Flame

this could be a series. just a bunch of famous statues drankin' and smokin'.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Some Musicians

i hear they're a big deal. though i've painted them an equal number of times as jesus.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Monday, November 14, 2011


noooo! three minutes late to post. too bad i can't be whisked away back in time to yesterday. hah!

whisk. what a weird word. whisk. you most definitely have to say it with the "h". whisk. hee hee.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Vikings Are Above the Rules

that rule about not running with scissors should also include axes.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Meta Free

this is a free painting of a character from a free video game.

Friday, November 11, 2011

You Sunk My Side Dish

this is how giant sea creatures play with their food.