Music Store Free Paintings Portfolio

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

I Made You a Thing for Your Device!

I MADE AN APP!! and today it came out on iPhone & iPad and Android devices. i didn't talk about it at all on here as i was developing but i've been working on it for a looooong time. i'm so excited to finally launch!!

ok now YOU HAVE TO GET IT TODAY. seriously, i need your help! i put it on sale at 1/2 off for only today because the more people that download in the first 24 hours, the better chance it has to be featured in the App Store. which would be HUGE.

so help me out and go buy it! you've enjoyed over 7 years of free art. hopefully you think i deserve a buck in return :)

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But How Does His Hair Stay So Perfect Under There

i love the idea that Rod Stewart was in every one of the Star Wars movies but you didn't know it because he never took off his helmet.

Monday, September 29, 2014

Can You Tell from the Painting That I've Tasted One?

sometimes when people request paintings, they give me too much information. like, just rambling about their lives or unrelated things or stuff way beyond what i need to create a successful artwork for them. when this painting's requester emailed me, she also told me how persimmons are such happy little fruits and that she thinks they look like hearts when they're cut. she included a picture to illustrate. ok great. that's cute or whatever. but then she told me about she puts them in the freezer for a couple of hours, peels back the skin at the top and then eats them with a spoon which is like persimmon sorbet. ok actual great! this is information that will clearly help me paint better. ok well not really but i tried it and it was pretty darn good.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

My Art Is So Good, People Drool While Looking at It

this is for my dentist. that dentist also happens to be my godfather. i guess he deserves some free art since he's kept my teeth fantastic all my life. if my calculations are correct and he hangs it in his office, this panting will be stared at by tons of people with their mouth gaping.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

I'm Just Trying to Get Rid of This Girl

i'm headed to LA this week! so i'll be traveling, not posting for a bit. paintings will recommence upon my return!

this girl emailed me three years ago requesting a picture of herself. between then and now, she graduated from school and lost her college email address. so my email to show her the finished painting and get her mailing address was returned to sender. i actually found her on facebook and sent a message but since we aren't connected as friends, it was put in her "other" inbox that doesn't give the user a notification so she hasn't noticed it's there. in the middle of typing this, i decided to do a little more investigating and i found her fiancée on facebook. so i just messaged him to his "other" inbox, too. i hope one of them sees it. otherwise i'll have to investigate even more ways to hunt her down. this project has made me seem like a creepy weirdo.

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Art with a Voice

this is Zoidberg from Futurama. the guy that voices him, Billy West, also voices Phillip J. Fry, Professor Farnsworth and Zap Brannigan. plus he voices Stimpy and Doug and Invader Zim and Bugs Bunny & Elmer Fudd in Space Jam and over 120 characters in his career. it's crazy! and there are a bunch of other actors just like Billy who do tons of iconic voices across different shows but most people don't realize it. i'm guessing it has something to do with the fact that you can't see them.

Friday, September 12, 2014

Good Thing I Get to Mail It to a Stranger. Get This Out of My House

as a newly minted Pittsburgh Penguins Ice Crew member. i am under contract to dislike the LA Kings. booooo, this painting.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

I Need to Stop Painting Things. I've Got Too Much to Do Already

i didn't know kiteboarding was a thing i wanted to try but then i painted it and now i do. that was also the case with my Guy Riding the Cathedral of Learning, Mr. PibbSpace Ballerina and Ryan Gosling paintings.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Complicated Art

these characters are from Teen Girl Squad, a comic crudely drawn by Strong Bad a character from the cartoon, Homestar Runner. so this is a crudely painted artwork (done by a human) of a crudely drawn comic (done by a cartoon [done by a human]).

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Moar Homestar!

four and a half years ago, i did a series of all the principle characters from Homestar Runner for a good friend of mine. well, that friend just had a birthday. so today's and tomorrow's paintings are a couple of non-principle characters for him to add to his wall.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Breaking Brand

i'm pretty sure on the Steelers' branding guidelines document, they specifically state, "Do not depict the three hypocycloids to the right of and below the Philadelphia Eagles head"

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Part of a Completely Incomplete Breakfast

one of these is breakfast and one of these is dessert. that's pretty silly because they both have about the same nutritional value.

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Goats Are the Taylor Swift of the Internet

goat screaming videos have become super popular online. if you aren't familiar with the concept, basically people take clips of goats bleating that sound like human yelling and then splice them in to music videos where it kind of goes along with the vocals. it's pretty terrible. but pretty great. now at my concerts i cover a Taylor Swift song and get the whole crowd to goat scream for the chorus. also pretty terriblegreat.

Friday, September 5, 2014

Elephants Are the Best Animals for Your Soccer Team

well there's nothing in the rule book about not using trunks. i assume prehensile tails are also acceptable.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Dogs Can Be Douchebags, Too

you can't tell because he's a dog but he's got a goatee to go along with that fedora.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

A Painting of Mortal Enemies. And Clearly My Knowledge of Animals Is Based on Cartoons

ruh roh. cat's outnumbered. it's a cat sandwich. but the wieners are the buns. wait, this is getting confusing.