Music Store Free Paintings Portfolio

Thursday, July 31, 2014

If A = B and B = C, Then I'm Salvador Dalí

this is from the tv series, "Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!" it's got a lot of surrealistic humor. so i guess this means i can now say i paint surrealist art.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Incoherent Art

this is inky the DNA manipulator. i don't know what that means. i don't think the guy that requested this knows what it means either. it's actually for a friend of mine, doug. doug and our other friend, will, like to play a game at bars that they've named "word salad". word salad is actually a medical term to describe how people with neurological or mental disorders may talk. these ridiculous boys will go up to complete strangers and try to ramble off nonsense statements for as long as they can. it's actually surprisingly hard to not make sense. and surprisingly fun to see a stranger's response to complete incoherency. anyway, inky the DNA manipulator was something randomly spouted from doug's mouth while playing that "game". now it's a painting.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

My Knowledge of Spanish Proper Nouns Is Lacking

a guy named Lisandro asked me to paint his name. though as i was painting it, i thought it was a female name. after looking it up today, i've realized it's a male name. so maybe i shouldn't have painted it purple in very feminine cursive letters with flourishes. and maybe that's why Lisandro didn't respond when i emailed a picture of the finished painting and asked for his mailing address.

Monday, July 28, 2014

Basketball and Soccer, Too

little known fact, all of the nets in hockey goals are made by Spiderman. superheroing isn't exactly lucrative so that's his day job.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

100 Years Too Early

this is what Monet's paintings would look like if he was around in the 1980s.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

I'm Trying to Paint Everything in the World. Maybe I'll Do It Twice

when naming the file for this image, i typed in "fluttershy.jpg" and i got a message saying "A file with that name already exists. Do you want to replace it?" this is how i know i've done a lot of paintings. while creating this, i didn't even realize i had already painted it once before.

Friday, July 25, 2014

I'm Good at Taking Orders

a little over a month ago, the guy in this painting commissioned a series of three from me. he wanted portraits of his wife and two kids. after he gave them to his wife, she contacted me to paint the husband. i had some house paint laying around so i drove to their house and started going to town on him with a paint roller. the wife informed me that she actually wanted a painting OF him. so after correcting the miscommunication, here's the result. though, the shirt you see in the portrait is ruined now.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

A Severed Head with Decorations Instead of All the Gooey Stuff

i have one of these. i don't think mine is decorated, though. i can't tell because it's covered in muscle and blood and skin.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Branded with My Brand

this is my logo. i always think it's a big deal when someone wants to have my logo as a painting. but not as big of a deal as what you see below. (i'm taking this opportunity to write about something crazyawesome that happened over a year ago.) holy crap! one of my fans got a tattoo of my logo. plus, that's my name in brail underneath. and to top it off, he said he inked the tattoo himself. whoa. he's got that, like... forever. no, not LIKE forever. forever forever. i'm insanely flattered.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Can't Rock Out with the Light in Your Eyes

sure he's a t. rex playing a keytar. i'm more impressed by the fact that he's wearing sunglasses. how did he get them on his face??

Monday, July 21, 2014

Thank Goodness the '90s Brought Around Lara Croft

sorry i missed yesterday. but i'm pretty ok with it because these two actually belong together!

this is Roll. she's a humanoid robot created to be a housekeeper. sure her name is Roll but she's not exactly the most inspiring ROLLmodel...hahaha... really filling her gender ROLL... haha... heh... heh. ugh, just keep reading.

this is megaman. he's a humanoid robot created to be awesome and courageous and battle bad guys and achieve everlasting peace. see what i mean?! why can't the girl be an epic hero instead of being created for cooking and tidying around the house?

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Thicker Art

this requester wanted an "abstract line painting". it was fun because i really slathered on the paint for this one. this project would be even more unprofitable if i always painted abstractly. i'd go through paint much faster. plus, i've even seen a difference in cost of shipping because more paint weighs more to mail.

Friday, July 18, 2014

An Off Button Might Also Come in Handy Sometimes

sometimes i bring a record player to my shows. he looks nothing like this but he does a good job of starting my backing tracks, making jokes in between songs and drinking with me. though he needs a handy carrying handle like this one has.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Standing Up for Robots' Rights

now this is making me think i should have named my two gardenbots "rivet the roser".

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Thank Goodness I Have a Blog Because the People at My Table Were Not Appreciating These Like They Should

the last time i went to a wedding, the dining background music was a collection of saxophone covers of soft rock hits. i will now give my list of possible titles for this album:
  • Sax Education
  • Saxuality
  • Sax Object
  • Let's Talk About Sax
  • The Fairer Sax
  • Saxual Orientation
  • Battle of the Saxes
  • Saxual Coersion
  • Sax and the City
  • Saxual Consent
  • Sax: circle M or F
  • Sax Offender Registry
  • Unprotected Sax
  • Aural Sax

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Human Eradication via Roots

it's time for my sixth annual trip to go houseboating for the weekend. i'm sure you saw this coming :) see you next week!

this is why we need greenhouse gasses. otherwise a giant tree could take over the planet.

Monday, July 7, 2014

Coding Beats Athleticism

this is the logo for the robot soccer team at Universidade de Brasília. we had a team at Carnegie Mellon, too. people always joked that a great pickup line at our nerd school is "i'm the captain of the robot soccer team." it would have worked on me.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Multiple-Personality Painting

this is a painting of Peter Cushing. he played a lot of iconic characters. so now i've also painted Dr. Frankenstein, Sherlock Holmes, Van Helsing, Dr. Who, Mr. Darcy and Grand Moff Tarkin.

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Serendipity and Not

yesterday i was singing the Star-Spangled Banner on national TV for a MLL game! whoa. so i forgot to post. but don't worry, i've got two for you today.

it was just a dumb un-coincidence that this guy showed up as the 5th of july painting. he should have showed up on halloween. instead, it's just a skull on july 5th.

it was just an awesome coincidence that this guy showed up as the 4th of july painting. the first robot president of the united states.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Buy a Vowel

little known fact: the third "O" in the HOLLYWO0D sign is actually a zero because they ran out.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Cute Unless You Aren't Pro Interspecies Marriage

i like to think as pet names she calls him "Da" and he calls her "La". you know, like panDA and koaLA.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Saving Time with Abbrevs

this is for a guy that listens to EDM music and wanted something related to that. so i painted him a CDJ. it allows you to mix music from CDs and MP3s like they're vinyl. my DJ uses them. they make for a great PHASP. ok, i made that last acronym up.