Music Store Free Paintings Portfolio

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Chug Until You're Blue, Kids

i'd like this better if he was just "Thomas the Tank" without the "Engine" because then it would just be a children's story about a heavy drinker.

Monday, June 29, 2015

No, This Is Not One Two-Headed Beast

here are two basset hounds. when i paint two creatures, i usually have them standing with a decent gap between them. i decided to let these guys get cozy... mostly because i sketched the dog on the left first and made him too big. hah! but i like how it turned out. i think i'll let my pairs of critters be more affectionate from now on.

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Don't Let the Pink Fool You

the is a gorgeous, delicate, satin torture device. as a former competitive dancer, i've had blood drawn from an apparatus like this before. and it's totally worth it. when people say "pain is beauty," this is what they're talking about. and also plucking eyebrows.

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Now I Look Like I'm the 5-Year-Old with Crayons

why? why do male mallards have this coloration? what about evolution said that they should look like their design came from a 5-year-old with a box of crayons? my Googling has proven fruitless. if there are any mallards that read my blog, please comment below.

Friday, June 26, 2015

One Is Actually 20/15

ok, i'm back! enough stealing my time, Patreon. i was actually planning on catching up and posting extra paintings for the days i missed, but then my canvas company called to say my usual 100-unit shipment (yes, i buy 100 canvases at a time!) is on back order. so i would have had a lapse in paintings anyway while waiting for supplies. i guess it's a sign! but i'm on the daily train once again. so let's get it going!

she's near sighted for this life. but don't worry. she's got 8 more with 20/20 vision.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Living Zippo

if pet dragons existed i would be inclined to take up cigarette smoking.


hey there! i'm here. i've just missed a few days BECAUSE OF THIS...

yeah, i launched on Patreon! it's been super exciting and as of writing this, my team has already reached 122 people and $444.03. WHAT?! you guys rock!! yeah, i've been painting for free for 8 years now. so it's pretty lovely to get some monetary support for my work. especially in this very genuine way. so thanks bunches :) if you want to join, check out all the info on my campaign page and become my Patreon!

i'm catching up on paintings now after all the craziness so i'll be back to my regular schedule soon. i have one for today so i'll post that nowwwww!

Friday, June 12, 2015

Ruthenium, Rhodium, Palladium, Osmium, Iridium...

this is a golden retriever. they're not as valuable as a platinum retriever. unless you want to retrieve something other than precious metals. then i guess you'd want a [insert thing you need here] retriever.

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Or Maybe You're Seeing Through Her Head

i'm not sure if she has yellow eyes or just really reflective eyes.

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Give Him Behind the Back. That's Even Doper

it looks like he's trying to give you a super-dope low five.

Monday, June 8, 2015

Only Pointing Out a Fact. Not Trying to Discredit Their Right to Be So

i made a joke about mascot stereotypes back when i painted Chief Wahoo. this painting made me wonder if anyone is offended by the Notre Dame Fighting Irish. i did some googling and it turns out there are, in fact, people offended by the Irish being represented by a belligerent leprechaun. also, it turns out that everything in existence offends at least one person if you google hard enough.

Sunday, June 7, 2015

Can't Stereotype a Galactic Empire Soldier

this requester wanted to make sure that i painted one as a boy stormtrooper and one as a girl. little did she know, the boy is the one wearing the pink bow.

Saturday, June 6, 2015

Flee the Destruction

they didn't go extinct. they just got the heck out of here before the jerk humans showed up.

Friday, June 5, 2015

Happily Ruined for Life

many years ago i came across the hungover owls tumblr. it's HILARIOUS. and since that moment i have not been able to see an image of an owl without thinking it's hungover. this painting is no exception.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Do I Have to Think of Everything?

if a rhinoceros had a baby with a horse, would it make a unicorn? why do i have to ask this question? why haven't you stepped up, science?

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

An Entire Movie for Just a Title Pun

i would like to see a remake of Hitchcock's "The Birds" using these instead. this brilliant film would be called "Heart Attack".

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

The Atlantic Ocean Isn't an Excuse Anymore

this is my eighth time painting a moose. (eleventh if you count the moose and bulldog and the two moose in love.) i've also painted eleven elk. they were the same paintings. because i just now learned that's what they're called in British English. though an Elk in North America is a completely different animal. this is confusing. come on, English speakers. get it together. it's not like we don't talk to each other all the time now on the internet.

Monday, June 1, 2015


this is Lincoln looking at a framed artwork of Alabama. i like to think this is taking place in Lincoln, Alabama.