Quit Screwing Around and Start Screwing Around

a drunk lady panda for that drunk dude panda.

It Makes Me Get Really Sad and Really Happy Twice a Day

when clocks and watches are photographed for ads, they're always set to 10:00 because it's very subtly like the hands of the clock are making a smile. 10:10 is when a clock is subconsciously the most positive looking. that means 8:20 is sad time.

Maybe It's Neither

the first "L" and second "L" in "llama" always argue over which one is silent.

This May or May Not Have Happened

the person that requested this painting sent me a picture of #16, mike rupp, hoisting/kissing the stanley cup and asked me to change it to scott stevens, #4. i don't know if scott stevens ever hoisted and/or kissed the stanley cup let alone was on the new jersey devils. but here it is. real or not. happening. as art.

Two Names and Two Faced

this is an apatosaurus. which is also a brontosaurus. two names were given to the same dinosaur species. apatosaurus means "deceptive lizard" and brontosaurus means "thunder lizard". so as a deceptive thunder lizard, i think this peace-sign-sporting dino is actually pro-war.

Some Speed Singing for Your Speed Drinking

i made a video of an acoustic version of track 18, "Synonyms for Drunk", from my Power Hour Album. i know you're impressed i can make a thesaurus rhyme.

Some '80s 8-Bit and Some '90s Flannel

gah. stupid sunday lacking in rituals. it makes me for get my internet posting habit.



a buddy of mine has an 8-bit portrait of himself [seen below]. he wanted me to paint a stuffed animal version of this character. i think he should get someone to sew him a physical one.







my wait list is so long that when you request a painting, i won't get to it until the clothes on the subject are out of fashion and then back in fashion again.

He Wandered Back to the 1930s

i hung one of my free paintings next to a mondrian and a bear wandered off his canvas into this one.

Balanchine Would Have Loved to Choreograph for Pixies

as a former ballerina (unless you think dancing in my own bedroom mirror makes me "current"), i would like to have been born a pixie. can you imagine the improvement wings would make on leaps and lifts? pixies could take the art form to a whole new level. why don't more pixies have a career in ballet?

Television. Repeat: Television

sweet! i was totally on TV. never mind that it's a station you didn't know existed with comedians you've never heard of. I SAID TV!

Big and Beautiful

apparently stars don't have body image issues because this guy is super massive and is clearly still thrilled about life.

Expose Yourself to New Experiences. . . Through TV

these are some flying bison. you haven't seen bison fly before? you don't get out enough. nope, just kidding. you don't stay in enough. they're from a cartoon.

Proof I Was Doing a Thing

here's a quick video recap of my san francisco show from this past weekend. just so you know i'm not lying when i give excuses for not posting paintings.

Assuming Makes a Flightless Bird Out of You and Me

i have returned from my concert in San Francisco! i got to kick off getting back into free paintings with this flying penguin, a common theme in my work. and yes, my mom was upset i painted another one to give away.



i was going to caption this painting "wings that work" but then i realized that statement makes the assumption that wings are for flying. maybe they're for paddling in freezing cold water and all flying birds have broken wings.

Serendipitous Request

two things. 1) sorry i'm late posting. 2) i won't be posting again until next week. as i mentioned before, i'm going to play a show in san francisco. i will now switch over to writing this post's caption because further explanation actually relates to the painting.



the show i'm performing this weekend is my drinking game concert. a drinking game that's based on beer. how appropriate that this request happened to be for the PBR logo. i painted beer before i will drink it.

I Should Create a Series of Paintingbombs

the guy that requested this painting is named "Bin". i'm guessing his girlfriend is named "Tina". great. now that we've gotten the discussion of that awesome portmanteau out of the way, we can talk about the real star: the fantastic photobomber behind. well done, sir. you are an absolute ruiner.

also, there seems to be a photobomber behind him that's photobombing the photobomb. so many levels!

Painting? No. Party? Yes!

this is an early heads up that i'm not going to be painting this weekend. i'm flying to san francisco for a Power Hour Concert. yay! if you happen to be on the west coast, you should totally come party with me :)

Actually a Pretty Sweet Job Description

good thing i give my art away for free otherwise i'd have to say i paint flowers for a living.

A Smile and an Answer

on friday, i said i'd give you the answer to what happened with the goldfish and the bunny "tomorrow". well tomorrow happened and you still don't know. sorry! i forgot to post :\ ok, well here's the answer. oh wait. first, i have to give you today's painting.



the requester wanted something black and white "that you REALLY REALLY like/want to paint." i can't say i REALLY REALLY like it. or really really like it. or even really like it. but i did want to paint it at the time. so it got painted.


ok, NOW comes the big reveal of what happens when a goldfish and a bunny like each other a lot.



bunny + fish = whatever this thing is

The Answer Is Coming Tomorrow

i think they really like each other. i wonder what happens next.

Trust What Nature Tells You

if we aren't supposed to lick tree frogs, why do they look like candy?

Trust Me. Art Majors Know About Colors

when i was a kid, i never understood why they were called redheads. now i'm an adult and i had to open my bottle of orange paint to create this. i still don't understand.

And He Knows All About Hip Hop

who says white guys can't jump?

A Day of Twos

hm. . . usually i realize that i forgot to post before i compose the next day's post. that was not the case this time so today gets two whole posts, not the usual one post with two paintings. well after that fascinating fact, here's a fascinating painting of two fascinating cats.



i guess my intro pretty much covered it. here are two cats. yep.

Why Wouldn't He Take a Picture When His Dog Didn't Have a Headache and Regrets?

this dog's owner snapped a picture of him early on a sunday morning when the pup was hungover. i felt bad for the little guy so i painted his tail perkier and made his eyes match.

And You Thought This Painting Was Cute

this is a portrait of you. you're inside the plane. middle seat. woman with a baby to your right. fat guy with a cold to your left. also you're hungry. and you have to pee. three more hours to touchdown.

Maybe I Should Write a Blog That Helps with Insomnia

late last night, i realized i hadn't posted yet. i fell asleep at my computer while trying to fix that problem. though i hate not posting on time, when i woke up i decided this: if you're boring yourself to sleep with your own writing, it's ok to put it off and try again tomorrow.



can you imagine having to sniff everything you pick up?




this is a painting of a delicious beer. also there's a zerg holding it or something.