It's a Magical World

exactly 19 years ago today, Bill Watterson published his last Calvin and Hobbes strip. i did shift a few paintings around to allow this request to arrive on my blog today, but i still think it's serendipitous. happy new year!

This Post Is Written in Cat

meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow

My Art Predicts the Future. Probably Poorly.

this is RoboCop fighting zombie Abe Lincoln. i was going to complain that this is an anachronism but then i realized that it's possible because zombie Abe Lincoln could become undead once RoboCop gets built. so yeah. this painting could totally be a thing that happens.

Two Sweet Paintings

being off for the holiday has messed up my schedule. that's why i missed posting! hah, just kidding i don't have a job.



this is Bertie Bassett, the mascot for licorice allsorts. i guess candy needs spirit and encouragement. i wonder if he has cheers to get the candy excited to be eaten.




hah, the last time i posted i talked about how i had to explain my paintings online for them to make sense. looks like i just just write the explanation on the painting, too.

I Could Also Draw Comics

the guy doing the wingsuit flying is the requester. he's not a tiny little man the size of a cat. he's flying at a distance. thank goodness my art lives on the internet because it needs help from words underneath it to explain.

Happy Holidays! Life Is Fleeting!

i shifted some requests around slightly so this guy would show up on his birthday. though this technically should be an Easter painting because it's zombie Jesus and that's the day he rose from the dead. sorry Jesus, it's your birthday and i just gave everyone a reminder of your demise. this is like if i walked into a nursery in a hospital and shouted, "someday you'll all be dead!"

Purple Squid and a Purple Raven

i was distracted on Christmas Eve Eve. so here's yesterday's along with today's!



no only am i going to paint every sports logo, i'm going to paint every combination of sports logos. two down.




they could play four hands of cards at once.

Increase Productivity by Doing Less

this request was for a turtle painting Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. what you see this turtle painting is actually somewhat similar to what my paintings look like before i put the black lines down. my mom always says she likes them better that way when she sees them at this stage. maybe i should just half finish them from now on. it would be faster. i could do two a day!

Those Paint Fumes, Though

this requester wanted something psychedelic. am i a fraud because i didn't paint it while on LSD?

A Huge Change... You Won't Be Able to Tell the Difference

this weekend i had a birthday. my two best friends flew in from out of town to celebrate. i also threw a going away party because i'm MOVING TO LA!! here's the City Paper cover story that tells you all about it. and here's me excited about all those things...



so in light of all that, my birthday/going away present to myself is that i took off from painting for the weekend. sorry i just disappeared without telling you. but this will also be helpful for when i move to LA because i'll have some extra paintings to post while i'm in the relocation process. this is me making excuses :) anyway, i'll post today's now even though my friends are still here! and yes, the Free Paintings project will still persist after this big change. it will just happen on the other side of the country. the arting must continue!!

Pretending Like This Is Esoteric

this is an otter chasing an oyster on a beach while a crowd of bears in top hats and deer in tuxedos watch. is this a metaphor? conceptual art is confusing.

This Is the 18th Turtle I've Painted. I Can't Believe It's Take Me That Long to Write This Pun

this is one shell of a painting.

Still Looks Wrong

orioles is so freaking hard for me to spell. i have to type each painting's name a bunch of times. when i name the file. when i add the title to my list of paintings. when i email the requester that the painting is finished. when i post the image on my Free Paintings site. when i label that image on my Free Paintings site. when i title that image on my Free Paintings site. when i post the image on this site. the beginning of this paragraph. the end of this paragraph. orioles.

that's a lot of times. every single time, trying to type the word has scrambled my brain. what is it about spelling the word oriels?! oroeils. oreils. oreiels. oreails. oreals. oreales. oriols. ORIOLES.

Who Needs Preparation?

i am seriously terrible at researching my art before creating it. the guy that requested this painting just asked for the image below with no context. i painted him. only now did i do any investigation as to what the heck i was painting. it turns out he's a character from a couple of strategy video games by Sid Meier. this kind of reminds me of when i go to photo shoots for magazines and the photographers say, "i haven't read the article. what are you?" then by the end of the session we're buds and they know all about me.

Hedgehog Number Three-ish

this is titled as the third hedgehog i've painted but that's not really true. there were the first two but then there was sonic and there was super sonic. oh! there was also a girl with a hedgehog and weirdly two elephants with penguins and hedgehogs in purses. still waiting for someone to request a hog in a hedge so i can sort of add it to this list.

Childhood Troubles

the requester for this asked for something Germany themed. so this is inspired by the German flag. i remember trying to draw the American flag when i was a kid and finding it impossible. i could never make the square in the corner look like it was the right size. and how do you fit all those stars in it? plus i'd start adding in horizontal lines for stripes and get to the bottom before i reached 13. my American flags ended up being taller than they were wide. it must be easy growing up as an artistic kid in Germany. just three horizontal bands.

Film Fwends

one of these is used to make the other.

Plus I'm Always Going to Have Candy in My Hand

this is Sam, a character from the movie, Trick 'r' Treat. he wears pajamas and a burlap sack on his head. what an awesome outfit. i'm going to wear that out from now on. comfort and no bad hair days.

Now I'm Wondering If I'm a Cartoon TV Star

i didn't realize until now that this is Lisa Simpson's instrument. she specifically plays the baritone saxophone not the more common, alto or tenor saxophone. i'm guessing she chose it because she knew she was a cartoon TV star and that it looks cooler as a drawing than the other types.

I NEED TO QUIT THIS PROJECT RIGHT NOW I WILL NEVER PUN BETTER THAN THIS

to gnome is to love me. and you gnome well.

Come On, Science!

dinosaurs went extinct around 66 million years ago. the earliest fossils of rabbits are from about 56 million years ago. so this painting is my best argument for genetically recreating dinosaurs. or inventing time travel.

This Should Happen Mid-Air

this is a crow fighting a pigeon over a beer. is it considered punching when it's done with wings?

Maybe If He Wasn't a Silent Comedian He Would Have Said Something About It

this is harpo marx. he wore a curly red wig. but it turned out blonde in black and white film so nobody knew! including me when i painted this, as you can see. then some wikipedia research showed me my error. sorry, harpo, for perpetuating falsities.

Head Weapon

i should have given the squid a horn to even the fight.

Yellow Crab Tastes Better

this is a blue crab. i like to imagine he's like a mood ring and blue because he's feeling sad. when his day gets better, he'll be yellow.

Manspider Wears a Suit and Tie

do animals have superheros with human qualities? like, manbat is a bat that sees without sonar? or womancat is a cat with opposable thumbs?

The Dragon Is for the Painting's Subject to View While She Has It Done

this is going to be hung in an acupuncturist's office. i've created art people will view while being punctured.