Music Store Free Paintings Portfolio

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Dragons Worry About Just Being Used by Their Friends

dragons are a hit at parties. imagine someone saying, "got a light?" and the word yes comes out of your mouth along with some fire.

Monday, May 30, 2011

A Plant, a Cat and Our One-Eyed President

i'm posting two today because i have some family in town visiting for labor day and they distracted me from posting yesterday.

this is a painting showing Barak Obama as an Illuminati.*

*the subject matter was provided by a commissioner. the views in this painting do not necessarily reflect the views of the artist. the artist is, however, in full support of starting a conspiracy theory that Barak Obama is secretly a cyclops.

the flower's name is kitty and the cat's name is buttercup.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

I Can't Believe You're Just Walking Around with That Out for Everyone to See

i imagine the size of a unicorn's horn is a measure of his abilities, attractiveness and overall worth. that's a lot of pressure to just have it out there on your head like that. observers don't have to make an educated guess about a unicorn's value based on the size of his hooves. human males should feel lucky.

Friday, May 27, 2011

He Doesn't Have a Website About It Yet

this request is for a guy who, i believe, is trying to coin the term sailbear. sorry if i end up trumping you on google results, bud.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Batman Didn't Have Any Superpowers

why aren't we all wearing roller skates all the time? if i said to you, "i can offer you a way to painlessly alter your body so you're three times faster with half the effort", would you take it? of course you would! wearing roller skates is just one simple way to become superhuman. i don't know why everyone isn't doing it. personally, i have a pair on right now along with a Camelbak and a diaper.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Everything Looks Good on One Swirly Color

i usually don't like putting my subjects in environments but this is different. water works well with my style. it actually ends up being just a suggestion of the environment.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I'm Going to Lose All My Fat Wussy Readers with This Post

is this still a thing? do people still consume this stuff? that's a shame. soda is for wusses and fat people. wusses that need to cut their liquor and fat people that refuse to hydrate with something other than hummingbird food.

Monday, May 23, 2011

My Other Guitar Is a Bike

this is a bass guitar with a sticker of a bike on it. i bet i could have painted a bike with a guitar sticker on it and this person would still be happy. nothing like showing off a hobby while your performing a different hobby. i wonder if the guitar gets jealous whenever she's biking and vice versa.

it's funny that a bike is environmentally friendly but yet this is an electric guitar. maybe showing off her bike is a way to justify her coal-powered hobby. or maybe she plugs her guitar amp into a windmill.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

The Shark League Has a Very Large Equipment Fund

it's very clear from this logo that sharks playing hockey would just result in a lot of broken sticks and zero goals.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Rich People Talk Gooder

the way i pronounce the name of this car is "porsh". i'll wait until i own one to use the correct pronunciation, "porsh-eh".

Friday, May 20, 2011

This Music Looks Awesome

this is for my friend named coleman. coleman wants to be a dj. coleman already has a dj logo but has yet to dj anywhere. i'm cool with building the brand before the product. as a designer, consumer and a general member of society in 2011, i recognize that he's got the important part down.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Does Muscle Atrophy Count as Something?

this is the only occurrence where someone said, "i'm just going to sit here until something happens" and it worked.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

That Archaic Media Distribution Got Replaced

this is a character that was in a story originally delivered to it's consumers via a tree that someone cut down from a forest. weird. now it's a movie.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

My Painting Will Probably Be Less Wrinkly Over Time

the painting happened after the tattoo. i cannot take credit for the design of the mark forever placed upon this person's flesh. my painting is merely a tribute to the permanent decision.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Sunday, May 15, 2011

I Had an Excuse Not to Post But I Still Did. Pluto Must Arrive on Time!

i ran a lot today. the pittsburgh half marathon. and in the tradition of the past two years, i'm telling you about it. but i'm breaking tradition by not forgetting to post.

i totally would have guessed that i’d get a request for the cartoon character before the celestial body. but that wasn’t the case.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Time to Click Compulsively

new zynga game. fishville mashup with mafia wars!

Friday, May 13, 2011

Noisy Painting

this is the sound that art makes. especially when you're named Roy...(Lichtenstein or Crane)

Blogger Postponed My Delivery of This Panda and Koala

i didn't post yesterday and for the first time it was by no means my fault. blogger was having technical difficulties so i couldn't even log in. i seriously kept checking back to see if it was working all the way until midnight. at which point i gave up because i had reached my hard deadline for a daily post. i guess i could have just changed the date of this post to be whenever i wanted but that's way less dramatic of a story.

they're hugging in celebration of the return of blogger.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

This Guy Does About the Same Amount of "Flying" as Batman

misnomer. but slower-and-more-graceful-falling-than-regular-squirrels squirrel just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Monday, May 9, 2011

This Post Is by Aali

llama. it's like the name Aaron. starting a word with two of the same letter is a little weird. and a little confidently cool. but mostly weird. capitalizing Llama looks like you meant to type "Liama" but accidentally held down the shift key too long.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

I Love You

happy mother's day, mom! yes i know this message is being delivered with an image of snow white as a zombie but it needed to be said and this request needed to be fulfilled. it just happened to be on the same day.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

America Is Fat? Cookie Monster Did It

cookie monster got in trouble with society for being a cookie monster. now...a cookie is a sometimes food. as communicated by the wise, old (ethnic?) owl. also sentient fruit.

Friday, May 6, 2011

My Soapbox Is at the Mercy of My Patrons' Subjects

thank goodness someone requested a peacock otherwise i would never have gotten this opportunity: go get the song "Peacock" by Katy Perry. it's genius.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

I Hope He Doesn't Steal My Art, Too

this was not requested by a man named francis buxton. and if it was, i wouldn't have painted it for him. spoiled jerk.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Mascotty O'Steelerson

this is Steely McBeam. in 2007, someone decided the steelers should have a mascot. his name was selected from a pool of 70,000 suggestions submitted by fans. apparently the winning name came from homer simpson based on the type of intelligence and creativity it would take to come up with that. plus he's yellow.

anyway, this concludes my pittsburgh mascot series. the woman commissioned it is putting it in the bedroom of her soon-to-be new pittsburgher. she actually had to postpone coming to pick them up because she was at the doctors office for labor pains! so welcome to the world new yinzer. i hope you like sports.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

A Thin Line Between Loveable and a Stranger Who Covered His Face and Wants to Hug Your Kid

this is the one animal mascot that should be able to talk, at least a few words and phrases, and yet he is still mute. i guess stopping a dude in a suit from talking is a way to avoid drawing attention to the fact that it's a dude in a suit. that's the one thing that separates professional mascots from the creepy hot dog handing out flyers on the street saying "eat at harry's".

Monday, May 2, 2011

A Penguin and a Pun

hmm. i swear i posted yesterday. even my daily to do list has "post" checked off. apparently my check mark lied to me.

i'm doing a pittsburgh mascot series commission for a fellow yinzer. it's a shame i'm posting this guy just after the pens are out of the playoffs. this has happened before, too. i posted their vintage logo right after they lost the winter classic. i wonder if my blog predicts the penguins future or creates it. clearly it's one of the two.

this is from the "Aladdin Sane" album by David Bowie. and it took me until typing that just now to get the pun.