Music Store Free Paintings Portfolio

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Consume These Products and Look Like Him

eggs and jif really landed a killer product endorser. Eggs and Jif: The Breakfast of Dark Knights. Part of a balanced caped crusade.

Monday, November 29, 2010


i have returned from vegas! it's good to be back throwing my money away on art instead of into a slot machine.

this is a machine for sewing. or knocking people out with a swift bash to the head. or holding a door open. or uncomfortably seating yourself one foot off of the ground. i think this machine works for all of those things.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Las Vegas No. 4

the years just keep coming at me. this will be my fourth annual trip to vegas with my mommy. see you after thanksgiving!

I Should Make This Title Have Nothing to Do with the Post

why is a horse like a clapperboard? no really. tell me. i do believe these two things have absolutely nothing to do with each other. maybe this requester worked on the movie Seabiscuit.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Some Slow Art

the last time i painted this guy was over three years ago. over that time he managed to move three inches closer to me and turn to his right.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

There Must Be More Smog Today Because the Sky Turned Purple

this was a result of me losing track of my unclaimed paintings inventory. i offered an earlier new york painting to someone not realizing that it already had a home and was mailed off. so i painted her another JUUUST like it. almost. i couldn't help but at least change the background.

it's been about three years since i've had a similar mishap although it wasn't exactly the same. not too bad for having mostly kept track of what is now 1,306 paintings. i thought i would have screwed things up more often than that by now. i wonder if i've ever accidentally mailed the wrong painting to anyone. you requested a unicorn? too bad. an angry robot shows up in your mailbox.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Crowded Blooms

gerberas are plants from the sunflower family. though, unlike my previous sunflower paintings, they have to share the canvas among three of them. also, the title of this post would make a good band name.

Monday, November 15, 2010

A Subject and His Lunch

this guy should be hung over top of this one from a while ago.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Now I Won't Be Confused When I Come Across One in the Wild

the person that requested this asked for a "fish with wheels" because he's "quite a fan of broom broom fishies." i had no idea what he was talking about. urban dictionary defines broom broom fish as, "Simply a fish (usually salmon or trout) with wheels. They are very difficult to catch, as they can escape from you at high speeds both in water and on land." ah. i should have known.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

I Should Try Wearing My Free Paintings

this request was from an old teacher of mine that makes jewelry on the side. we met for lunch so i could give her the painting in person. she wore the ring she designed that day and over the course of our 40 minute meal, THREE people stopped to say they loved it!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Mom, Dad and Mutant

haha after looking at this i'm glad i happened to arrange them in this order because a platypus is like a cross between a duck and a beaver. if you read it from left to right you can see what it looks like when a duck morphs in to a beaver.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Hey Kids! Smokey the Dog Says, "Follow Me!"

the dog's name is smokey. this would be a lot funnier if i painted him smoking a cigarette.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

They Tolerate Red If It's Surrounded by Black and White

i wonder how they would have felt if i decided to give them a purple background. i hear executives only like the color gray.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

See. Then Pee. Also...F?

this is based on a tattoo on the requester's ankle. she wanted me to add a triangle of vines intertwining the letters. too bad "F" isn't a verb or this tattoo would be a series of three commands.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Even If You Weren't Flightless, Ur Doin It Wrong

i don't have the heart to tell him that 1) you need to flap both wings in order to fly and 2) that still won't work.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

I Don't Do Ugly Well

cthulhu is a character created by horror author H. P. Lovecraft. it's often cited for the extreme descriptions given of its hideous appearance, its gargantuan size, and the abject terror that it evokes. cthulhu is often referred to in science fiction and fantasy circles as a tongue-in-cheek shorthand for extreme horror or evil. this adorable painting is my best representation of extreme horror and evil.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Sock It to Me

sock monkey got punched a lot in grade school. stupid homonyms.

Friday, November 5, 2010

And the Castle Is a Moblie Home in a Costume

that's actually a dude in a wig. don't tell the little girl who got the painting.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

So Which State Is Going to Legalize Human-Robot Marriage First

a foul-mouthed, alcoholic, cigar-smoking, kleptomaniac, misanthropic, egocentric, ill-tempered, pessimistic robot. i like bender so much i might become a robosexual.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Erroneous Painting Means It's Up for Grabs

i painted this for someone who requested "a pair of headphones on a turntable". i incorrectly read "a pair of headphones OR a turntable" and didn't realize it until right before i went to email him a picture of the finished painting. so i'll have to start over for his request. which means this one has no home. any takers?

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

That'd Be a Long Commute to Work

i got a commission to paint the skyline of Munich, Germany. it's on a 12x24" canvas. i should have required the commissioner to cover travel expenses there and back so i could truly capture the city.

So Much to Say and So Few Connecting Fibers

not one, not two, but three pets! i think i accidentally painted them all looking really vapid. it's two vs. one so why isn't that bird eaten by now? the black cat is mad he got picked to have the bird on his head. one of these creatures talks and one of them is bad luck. none of these sentences connected with each other.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Maybe the Inspiration Was "Delicate Things"

how many butterflies does it take to screw in a light bulb? i thought maybe that would be a joke that inspired this painting but after a google, i didn't come up with anything but this: "How many chaos theorists does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just get the butterfly to flap its wings a SECOND time." that almost makes sense and is almost funny.