Does This Count as a Pet Portrait?

no crapping for him. no sneezing for me. why are these not the standard now?

They Need to Step Up and Defend Their Trademark

the term should be "copy tapir" not "cat" because these guys are just ripping off pandas.

Pavlov's Painting

i used to live on mount washington and this painting makes me feel tired and relieved. this is the view i had right near the end of mile six, the final leg of my regular running route.

Help Expand the Art Population. Don't Have Your Pet Spayed or Neutered

i don't think domesticated animals are reproducing fast enough. i'm painting them so often i'm going to run out of subjects.

Zero Dollars Times Two Is Still Zero Dollars

a long time ago i painted a diptych of a girl's bird tattoos. someone requested a painting of the two combined into one. i charged double for that.

Don't Make This Joke If There's a Cow at the Party

if this cow's legs were any shorter she'd be ground beef.

A Cute Dog Picture Accompanied by Hostility

a puggle painting. oh good. my two favorite things. a portmanteau and a pet portrait. i swear i've mentioned my distaste for portmanteax many times but i could only find one time where i said that they're the opposite of cute. i did mention avoiding using one in the gallery of my free paintings site. but anyway, they suck and are stupid and dumb and stupid. people think it takes someone intelligent to create a portmanteau and that is not the case. there has been a huge influx of them in marketing lately and it's horrendous. the most painful part is that no one takes a step back and thinks about how putting to words together to make a new word of their combined definition is in no way clever and now unbelievably overused. i could handle "snackelicious" and "Brangelina" if the rest of the world didn't think they were so cool and funny. it's enough to make you hate a puppy.

Proof That My Art Patrons Are Smart

this is a microcentrifuge tube. though the requester called it an "eppendorf tube" which is actually a genericized trademark. it's the equivalent of calling a bandage a band-aid or a facial tissue a kleenex. there are actually some trademarks that have lost their legal protection this way. Aspirin, Butterscotch, Escalator, Heroin, Kerosene, Phillips-head screw, Pogo (stick), Thermos, Yo-yo and Zipper were all trademarks before the general public made them generic, according to wikipedia. wait a minute. sorry i got distracted. i'm completely neglecting the fact that i just painted a microcentrifuge tube piece of fine art. what??? that's a first for me and i'm guessing the whole world.

Google Is Giving Away My Art, Too

i'm giving away my art! ok, you probably already knew that but this time it's in music form. my song, "What's Your Name", just got added to the (short and famous) list of songs that Google Music gives you for free when you start their new service. heck yeah!



look at me, all cool, hanging out there right before Alice Cooper and Aretha Franklin. so go request your invite to start Google Music. and then enjoy some of my free art.

Lucky Enough to Find One in the Savanna

this guy's got to be super lucky because he had to spot that thing from all the way up there.

Axe Art Accomplished

the last piece of my guitar. you can see them all together below. it's actually almost exactly life size when you lay my guitar down next to the paintings.

Photographic Evidence Is Now an Oxymoron

here's part two of my fender guitar. it's even the same color as the one i own. but don't tell my music fans. i just recently had some photos taken for my new album and the graphics on it are all going to be black, white and red. i posed with my guitar but photoshopped it red afterward.



that's actually not even a picture of me. i was busy so i had my dad go to the photo shoot and just photoshopped him to be me.

Three Pieces of Rock

i was asked to donate some art to a charity auction to fight homelessness. the event was called "rock the streets" and also had live local music. i decided to paint how i rock. with my fender guitar. two more to follow.

A Future Timeline of Testudines

no, turtles won't cure diabetes. but they will read about it.

Life Reflects Art

a while ago i posted a painting i did for an irish band.



well check out their newest band photo:



haha that's pretty darn great!

A Fast Timeline of Testudines

i have returned from my music making on the west coast! everything went really well but there's still a TON of work to do before the release. now i must shift my focus from what the album sounds like to what it looks like. album art, website, videos, etc. are all on their way! until then, here is some priceless art:



just last week, turtles were colonizing the new land. now they're walking on the moon. this species is fast. i should have just painted a pilgrim turtle driving a model t on the moon.

Paintings on Hold for My Drinking Game

i won't be posting for a bit because i'm leaving for Los Angeles. i've finished recording my new power hour album!! and i'm flying out to The Mastering Lab to complete it.

this is quite exciting as i've been working really hard on this new album for about a year now. here's a preview of some of the songs. i'll be back to painting next week. expect more new album updates coming soon!

A Disordered Timeline of Testudines

ok i lied yesterday. before the industrial revolution there were pilgrim turtles.

A Complete Timeline of Testudines

this is the first in a series of four turtles throughout history. turtle history begins with the advent of the model t. prior to that, there were no turtles. also, turtles can drive.

What Does Your Career Look Like?

this is what being at work looks like for a DJ.

Booze to Fight Extinction

maybe if we get them drunk they'll procreate more. seriously, these guys never want to get it on. don't they know they're endangered?! get sloshed and go hit on that lady panda. for the good of the species, you don't need those inhibitions.

Everything Has Already Been Done

after reading a little bit about cochlear implants i found that the people that have them hear music much differently. based on that example i realized you could compose music specifically for cochlear implants that would be way better than beethooven. then i realized someone probably already executed my idea.

Sometimes Animals Play Dress Up Not Just for Survival

if this is for halloween it's either a really convincing zebra in a turtle costume or a cheap zebra costume for a turtle.

Now All My Requesters Have to Question Their Painting's Authenticity

i don't usually don't mention when other people write about my artwork but i couldn't pass this up. someone's painted copies of my paintings. i'm thrilled that my art is cool enough to have knockoffs!



hmm i wonder what the going price is for one of those. if she tries to sell them as a cheaper replica of the original she's going to have to charge something around $-20. here's a painting and twenty bucks.

I Do Believe These Gals Were in the Movie "Clueless"

lily of the valley 1: i was all like, "no way"! and she was like, "totally"! and i'm like, "whatever", you know?

lily of the valley 2: for sure.

lily of the valley 3: totally.

lily of the valley 4: as if!

The Winner Gets the Honor of Being an Endangered Animal Killer

i'd like to see this guy and the kung fu panda battle it out to the death. if they moved around fast enough, it would make a swirl of colors.