Two Animals in the Color that Absorbs All Light

oh man i've been bad at weekends lately. here are two!



i guess i'm ok with these two being in the same post since they're both lovely black animals. sure, one is feathers and one is fur. but they're still the same hue. er... technically black isn't a hue. whatever, i mean they go together nicely.




though not to scale. that would be one darn big crow.

Down Under Tradition

half kangaroo, half alligator. i'm pretty sure this is what australians are having as leftovers this day after thanksgiving.

Four (or 25) Years in the Making

over four years ago, i had this odd mystery. done reading that? ok well she just recently emailed me saying

Hi, I just saw your post. If you wrote to me , I didn't receive it. I wrote to thank you for the painting - apparently you didn't receive that either. I am the person in the picture, and the one who requested the painting.

whoa! so i wrote back

I'm sorry our emails got crossed! I ended up giving your painting to someone else. But I can totally paint you another one! How about that?? Or did you want a different subject. Either is good with me, just let me know :)

so this is the second version of that painting, mailed to the original requester who confirmed she is, in fact, the subject of the photo! and that it was taken in 1989, 25 years ago. crazy stuff happens when you keep a project going for over 7 years.

This Project Is So Educational for Me

this is dinosaur Uncle Sam fighting princess John Bull. i didn't know who John Bull was until this request. and i didn't know until i just googled right now that "national personification" is a thing. why they're a dinosaur and a princes, i'm not sure. i'm just glad this person only requested two of the countries as opposed to a brawl containing all of them.

Democratic or Republican Art

i can't tell if this request was from someone for or against marijuana. is this a cute little character getting high? or is this representation of what killed the dinosaurs?

The Most Paintings You've Seen at Once in Quite a While

yeah. i missed two days in a row. a whole weekend! i can't remember the last time i did that! i painted, just totally forgot to show them to you. sorry! soooo, here are three of them all at once.



anyone else upset by the fact that spiderman doesn't have nearly enough legs?




the person that requested this asked for a character from Final Fantasy XIV and sent me a picture of her. it wasn't a very good reference so i asked him the characters name, intending to image search for something better. i didn't realize the game is a MMORPG. there weren't any other images of her because she's his personal creation. so here's my creation is based on his creation.




i'm pretty sure i'm the only person on the planet that hates sandwiches. i'm totally not picky when it comes to food. i love almost everything. ALMOST everything. i can't handle sandwiches. yeah, i know it's weird. i've been told. i just had to many bagged lunches in school. soggy bread surrounding lunchmeat is just absolutely disgusting to me. i'm honestly even grossed out by my own painting. yikes.

Too Much Exposition

my wait list to get a Free Painting has gotten so long that i'm now painting for people that first emailed me three years and four months ago. i used to just open the old emails, paint whatever they asked for and then the first time they ever heard back from me was an email with photographic proof that their painting was done. as the gap of time between first emailing me and an actual completed painting increased, the number of times people didn't respond after their painting was done very much increased. it was getting to the point where about 50% of my paintings didn't have a home. so now i email the requester before i paint to find out if

1. they still use the original email address
2. they still want the original painting subject they requested
3. they aren't dead

anyway, the point of that was to set up the fact that originally this request was for "a dapper guy from the roaring '20s". when i emailed to confirm all three of the above requirements, he changed his request to "a dapper guy from the roaring '20s in space". i guess since we're now in the future - compared to three years ago - he needed to be in space.

Mythical Creature Painting

last time i painted a narwhal i pointed out how they're a hoax. this guy said it better than i could. like, way better. i kind of love him.

Stupidity Is the Mother of Invention

who the heck was the first person to skate? like, he had to say, "i'm gonna stand on two skinny blades on frozen water". what the crap?! and it's not like he was good at it the first time. he had to believe he would get good at it. how many activities are out there in the world that seem impossible but would become easy over time? what are we missing by not being as idiotic as the person who invented skating?

Paint Mode Engaged. Painting. Paint Complete.

when some people request paintings, they send me really long emails about how great they think the project is and/or how excited they are to get their painting and/or how much they love all the works in my gallery and/or how wonderful i am for doing this every day. this requester emailed the following:

bear in gladiator armor fighting Godzilla

followed by his address. it made me feel like i'm just some paintbot that takes input and then outputs art... AWESOME!

Old-School Nerds Love My Art

this character is "Simon Belmont" from the Nintendo game called "Castlevania". by total coincidence, this is the second Nintendo game character i've painted in a row. having a project on the internet gets you a certain type of clientele.

Demons Don't Like Being Cute

this character is "Firebrand" from the Nintendo game called "Demon's Crest". i feel like he'd be mad that i represented him so adorably.

The Last Two Charlie Browns

ok i forgot to post. which means the last two of these series are showing up together.



my mom was at my apartment and saw these before i posted them. so i learned that this pattern is called "chevron". thanks, mom!




quiz: i'm testing you on your reading comprehension. please comment below with what pattern this painting represents.

Grayscale During the Week

i made the yellow one the first in the series because i was concerned people wouldn't understand what it was if it was a different color from Charlie Brown's usual. or maybe this zig zag is iconic enough no matter what. i mean, he was only yellow on sundays.

In-Person Request

this is the first in a series of four paintings for a friend of mine i do improv comedy with. he wanted charlie brown's shirt in a bunch of different color backgrounds. he even drew what he was looking for on a bar napkin while we were out after a show. i haven't showed the paintings to him yet but i'm hoping i translated his beer-stained sketches in a way that pleases him.

Mother Nature Gave Them Boots, Too

i love that rottweilers have natural, hilarious dog eyebrows.

Jeweled and Juiced

i realized i forgot to double post yesterday because i missed on saturday. soooo here ya go!



gold for your head.




Philip K. Dick wrote a novel called "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?" i couldn't answer the question but i could help visualize it.

A Portrait for a Portrait

this is Eddie. he has a project called "The Faces of Defcon" where he paints people that attend the hacker conference. this year was my second time performing there so he felt it was time to paint me. sweet! [See bottom image.] since he painted me, i felt it was time to paint him. now we are both installments in each other's series.

Trees Are Pretty Sad, Though

to the relief of chicken everywhere, the drumsticks in this artwork are made of wood, not them.

Triple Co Would Also Be Acceptable

this is a coconut cocktail. i propose from now on a coconut cocktail should be called a cococo. because that's supercool. no wait, because that's superlame and i'm superlame.

My Quickest Painting to Date

this request was for "some sort of abstract piece". well after over 2,300 paintings, i figured it was time for one of them to be blank. so she's getting something pretty darn abstract. when taken in the context of the whole project, it's a great piece. by itself, it's just lazy.

Never Been Photographed with Superwolf

this is just mild mannered bark kent.

Going to Get Fired for My Art

i'm under contract to hate this painting. (this will help explain.) LET'S GO PENS!

He's Got a Flare for Music

melting faces with his guitar solos and his breath

They Don't Need to Change the Channel

i'm guessing windows are like TV for dogs.