More Like Two Scorpion Tails

would you trade some fingers for extra arms?

Perhaps He's a Marketing Genius

this is my rendition of the monkey that went viral after he was found wandering around an ikea in a shearling coat. saying a "monkey went viral" sounds much more scary than it actually was. though i'm pretty mad he could get so many views just by being small and cute in a coat in a furniture store. i've done that before and no one cared.

Black Bears are More Stylish Than Grizzlies

doesn't he know not to mix brown shoes and black pants?

A Banana Split, Split Up into Two Paintings

sorry i forgot to post yesterday. it's ok, though, because now today is dessert themed!



i want to paint an "after" version of this where he's got a bite missing and looks horrified.




i went to college at Carnegie Mellon University. the student body was just the right size for there to be campus "celebrities" that you wouldn't know personally but stood out from the crowd. there was cape girl, cape guy, orange guy (dyed his hair orange and only wore orange clothes), unicycle girl, shoeless programmer, etc. when i was a sophomore, i had a mission to give myself a quirky attribute in order to become one of these recognizable people.

i tested several things before settling on the right one. for a while i tried to be "tool belt girl" and wore a tool belt instead of a purse. but i went to study abroad and having your wallet out in the open like that isn't so great in some foreign countries. then, i tried being "respirator girl". this didn't stand out enough because plenty of art majors had respirators for spray paints, solvents, etc. then, -- and this is why this painting made me think of this story -- i wanted to be "always carrying a banana girl". i thought this was pretty great because it's a mixture of goofy (because bananas peels are comedic) and violent (because it feels like you're holding a gun) and phallic (because, well... you know) and practical (because i always had a healthy snack at a moments notice). but it really didn't stand out enough. no one notices when you're always carrying a banana. so i finally landed on wearing two different shoes and i've been "mismatched shoe girl" ever since.

Or Ruined a Perfectly Good Building Painting

this request was for the space needle and the mascot for the seattle aquarium, Leonard G. Fish. ruined a perfectly good floating fish bag painting with that tiny building.

This Is How I Have a Merry Christmas

this request was for a "self portrait staring at someone you are gaga for. nerdy, starry-eyed and drooling okay, but prefer no drool." well, the nerdy part was easy but i had trouble holding back the drool.

No, There Was No WOPR In the Lion King

oops... was too busy hanging out with my family to remember to post yesterday. here's yesterday's and i'll post christmas' painting next!



what do this machine and Nathan Lane have in common? they've both acted with Matthew Broderick.

This Makes Pet and Child Portraits Seem More Tolerable

don't worry, it's not a pet portrait. it's a child portrait dressed as a pet. who says cat ladies have to be childless?

Giant, Killer Dragonfly

you're standing on the beach and this dragonfly is right in your face? or are you standing on the beach and this dragonfly is a mile out into the ocean?

No Puns Today, Folks

this... is a marshmallow napoleon riding a möbius strip. you win, requester. i can't say anything funny about your painting because you've stalled my brain with an overload of nonsense.

Come to Tink of It

for this request, i couldn't tink straight. instead i had her bend at the waist because i didn't want to tink outside the box. but it's the first request for this character so i didn't have to tink twice. ok, who do i tink i'm kidding? this is a character created by a disney artist but it's ok because great minds tink alike.

What Does the Superhero Stylebook Say?

yesterday's and today's painting were actually commissioned as a pair. why is Wonder Woman two words and Superman one?

Wonder Woman Happened Today

it's my birthday! and today's request just so happens to be for Wonder Woman (because i shuffled it ahead a couple days). it's a sign!

Should Have Been a Diptych

this painting has no depth perception.

Well It's Expensive to Stop Ethnic Stereotyping

this is the Chicago Blackhawks logo. i'm pretty sure his name is Chief Culturally Insensitive.

The Harrison Ford of His Species (Plus Some Logo Thing)

two paintings today because i'm making up for forgetting to post yesterday!



another company logo. more timeless art.




the actual chewbacca in the movie is, like, super unpleasing to look at. so i had to make some serious adjustments to cute-ify him. though i guess i don't know what i'm talking about because i'm a human. i'm sure he's a hearthrob in the wookiee world.

Or Should It Be Two Pilgrim Paintings?

what? another native american request? did i get posted on some native american blog? i should make two cowboy paintings to even it out.

That's Headbanging Hair If I've Ever Seen It

this is a kokopelli, a figure from some Native American cultures. he represents the spirit of music. and also he's a fertility deity. i guess in every culture/era rockstars are sex symbols.

Teddy Is Also Excited

this painting is clearly occurring on saturday morning. that's the face of a girl that woke up to pee and realized she can go back to bed immediately afterward.

Always Protects Those Hands, Though

from hockey to biking, this penguin is too reckless for a helmet.

Tolerate My Art

this requester wanted the presbyterian cross painted in the colors of the bisexual flag. according to wikipedia, attitudes in presbyterianism toward homosexuality vary, ranging from outright condemnation to complete acceptance. interesting to think that this painting would get a wide range of responses from people within the same church. or maybe they'd just all be mad that i destroyed the sanctity of their brand by not using the colors they set forth in their visual identity.

And Natural Formal Wear

his wings may not work but he was born with natural ice skates.

Timeless Art

a company called "sounds true" had me paint their logo. i would show you a picture of the original graphic but i'm too lazy to upload it to my server. just google "sounds true" and see for yourself. though to be fair, the company may be gone by the time i finish typing this.

Leader of the Autobots and Higher Education

this is a request from someone who also attended my alma mater, Carnegie Mellon University. he asked me to paint what i think our mascot should be. well, he picked the right person for the job because i have some inside info.

i was actually a member of the group that oversaw choosing the current mascot. our sports teams are called the "tartans" which is a type of plaid. (yikes.) and the school put together some students and faculty to decide a mascot to represent us. that group ran a survey to let the students pick. the ranking was as follows:

3. a highlander
2. a scottie dog
1. optimus prime

yep. the students thought optimus prime should be our mascot -- via write-in votes -- by a HUGE margin. it was absurd and awesome.

yet, the students did not win. our mascot is now the scottie dog. cool. but nowhere near as cool as the sentient, transforming robot that we deserve.

King Sized Allergies

this is why we should ban horse-cat marriage.

A Cute Painting About Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy

lately, there's been lots of controversy over the health effects of being an NFL player. though this is a logo for a Nebraska team's defense, i think it's more fitting for the sport in general. football helmet + the poison symbol. (plus it's adorable to make the problem more palatable.)

Pop-Arting a Perfect Pic

i love this photo! the coloring, the grain, the ambiance, his expression, the out-of-focus background. that camera has such an awesome feel to it. i'd take it over an iPhone any day.

I Refuse to Punctuate Poorly

i have to admit, i made an adjustment to this request. this would be the first time i didn't paint exactly what the requester wanted... he asked that it say "I love you Alexus". i couldn't bring myself to leave out the comma.

We Need a Control Fox

one likes herbal tea and one likes coke.