Posting Penguins Until Next Year

this guy is the first of three penguins in a commissioned series. it's a larger version of a series i did a long time before starting my free paintings project. i used a similar style for a giraffe version as well. it's funny because this guy showed up in 2010 but his buddies won't be here until next year.

"Or" Does Not Equal "On"

this is the correct version of the error i made earlier. the first painting got mailed to Austin in Indiana because he asked. he even said please. well, "plz" but i figure that's close enough.

Greetings from the Future!

aw poop. i'm over an hour and a half late posting this. unless you're in colorado or california. then i'm still a responsible blogger. cause those people live in the past. and in case any of you westerners still living in yesterday are worried about the world ending, don't. tomorrow is going to happen. i'm totally there right now and the world is totally still here. so anyway this is a picture of a dude and a girl making a face at him. yep.

Separatist Rodent

mr. pilgrim mouse is number 10 of 10 armed animals. i saw a mouse in my apartment a couple weeks ago. at first i was scared but then i realized he wasn't carrying a tiny blunderbuss so i didn't have anything to worry about.

The Only Kangaroo in SAG

this guy was an extra in 300. you can see him in the background of some of the scenes. he would have had a better role but he couldn't get his abs up to par in time.

I Can Haz Intellectual Property

no, they're not lightsabers. they're sabers with blades that have a light-like quality.

At Least There's Some Red and Green

merry christmas! i'm celebrating by posting something that's not even remotely holiday themed. i'm in the middle of posting my armed animals series and i had to keep them all in a row. so sorry, jesus. the medieval giraffe is ruining your birthday.

DUUUCK!!!

how will soldiers know if a bomb is coming at them or if someone's just trying to say hi to this squad member? this guy shouldn't be allowed in the army for the same reason no guy named Roger can be a pilot.

Naked Terror!

for this one the requester wanted a "Crazy Terrorist Baby Seal". i refrained from giving it any clothing for fear of it turning out racist. wouldn't want my art screaming out my subconscious, now would we? according to my not subconscious (surconscious?....ok, conscious) terror has no standard fashion.

Painting Battle

this guy thinks he can take on SWAT bunny, chinese revolution shar-pei, and cowboy koala all at once. then he'll steal yoshi's cupcake. and ride away on snake's bike.

Rope a Pig for the Barbie

i thought koalas were from australia. but that can't be possible if this guy is a cowboy. i looked up "australian cowboy" and found out: There are cattle handlers in many parts of the world besides North America, particularly South America and Australia, who perform work similar to the cowboy in their respective nations. so i guess this guy can go bust broncos and smoke marlboros down under.

His Favorite Color Is Red. Though It Looks Gray to Him

he'd better keep those wrinkles out of his eyes or he might hurt someone with that gun. or his adorableness.

Those Ears Are Registered Weapons

this is the first in a series i'm calling Armed Animals. i got a commission for ten paintings of creatures with various weaponry.

this guy is about to move in to rescue his friend Peter from a hostage situation with a terrorist known as Mr. McGregor.

It's My Birthday So I'll Break My Rules If I Want To

i moved this post ahead a few days because i wanted him to arrive today. why you ask? because it's my birthday! and yoshi's bringing me a cupcake. yay! and yes, feel free to be impressed that i still work on my birthday.

How Is He Going to Signal Before He Turns?

really? do we need to taunt snakes any further? can't we leave appendage-less creatures alone?

Ben Folds, Brooke Shields, Britney Spears, Cher, Don Knotts, Elijah Wood, Julia Stiles, John Waters, Jordin Sparks, Kathy Bates, Stevie Nicks, Tyra Banks, Taye Diggs, Wesley Snipes

dexter painting number two. this actor's name is Michael C. Hall. His name is a sentence. "Michael, see hall." haha every time you say his name it's a command. i have a friend who's name is also a sentence: Margaret Burns. that's not just a sentence, its an urgent proclamation. "Margaret burns!!!"

Blood on the Canvas

back on land and back to painting.



this is one of two Dexter paintings commissioned from me. i've actually never seen this show. i used to watch a show called Dexter but that was "Dexter's Laboratory". it was about a boy genius. maybe he grew up to become a serial killer.

No Painting on the Ocean

bye. i'm going on a boat.

yep, a caribbean cruise vacation until next week. to that you might say, "hey, ali, you've been traveling a lot lately". and to that i reply, "see you next week!"

This Dude's a Giant Wiener

now that's marketing. nothing makes me want a hot dog like a guy dressed up as one.

Maybe If Your Companies Were More Famous I Could Recognize Their Logos in Very Low Res

this painting is brought to you by AT&T, Nationwide Insurance.... Inferior...um...Canker (looks like it has something to do with horses because there might be one on its hind legs next the the red square in the logo) and Some-long-word Electric Power.

or i guess i could just click on the image to see it bigger.

Yes, Yellow Does Make Your Butt Look Big

of course yellow is eating ice cream. he's clearly the fat m&m character of the red and yellow duo. even though both characters are shaped like m&m's. you can just tell he's the fat one.

A Patron with Twice the Usual Number of Legs

the dog commissioned this painting for the girl as a christmas present. he mailed me a chipmunk he killed as a donation. ok, not really....the girl mailed it for him cause he has no thumbs.

More Proof They Can't Not Be Cute

no, this chinchilla isn't a part of a series with yesterdays chinchilla. i actually got two requests for a chinchilla from two different people IN A ROW! and they were both specifically white chinchillas. whooooa. and for the skeptics out there, i know they're not from the same person trying to scam me because both of them sent reference pictures of different pets. ok i guess that's still not total proof but i'm pretty positive this is just an interesting coincidence.

Subjectively Cute

it's scientifically proven that chinchillas cannot be photographed looking un-cute. in no way is it physically possible to view a chinchilla, no matter what the angle, that is not decidedly adorable.

You Can't Own a Camaro Without a Mississippi Mudflap

when i say "art for everyone" i really mean it. where else in the world can a mullet owner also have an original commission?

Turtles Are Still the League Leaders with Eleven

turntables vs. elephants

turntables: 8
elephants: 7

after being tied in popularity for five months, turntables pull ahead!