Chug Until You're Blue, Kids

i'd like this better if he was just "Thomas the Tank" without the "Engine" because then it would just be a children's story about a heavy drinker.

No, This Is Not One Two-Headed Beast

here are two basset hounds. when i paint two creatures, i usually have them standing with a decent gap between them. i decided to let these guys get cozy... mostly because i sketched the dog on the left first and made him too big. hah! but i like how it turned out. i think i'll let my pairs of critters be more affectionate from now on.

Don't Let the Pink Fool You

the is a gorgeous, delicate, satin torture device. as a former competitive dancer, i've had blood drawn from an apparatus like this before. and it's totally worth it. when people say "pain is beauty," this is what they're talking about. and also plucking eyebrows.

Now I Look Like I'm the 5-Year-Old with Crayons

why? why do male mallards have this coloration? what about evolution said that they should look like their design came from a 5-year-old with a box of crayons? my Googling has proven fruitless. if there are any mallards that read my blog, please comment below.

One Is Actually 20/15

ok, i'm back! enough stealing my time, Patreon. i was actually planning on catching up and posting extra paintings for the days i missed, but then my canvas company called to say my usual 100-unit shipment (yes, i buy 100 canvases at a time!) is on back order. so i would have had a lapse in paintings anyway while waiting for supplies. i guess it's a sign! but i'm on the daily train once again. so let's get it going!



she's near sighted for this life. but don't worry. she's got 8 more with 20/20 vision.

Living Zippo

if pet dragons existed i would be inclined to take up cigarette smoking.

HERE'S A BIG THING!

hey there! i'm here. i've just missed a few days BECAUSE OF THIS...



yeah, i launched on Patreon! it's been super exciting and as of writing this, my team has already reached 122 people and $444.03. WHAT?! you guys rock!! yeah, i've been painting for free for 8 years now. so it's pretty lovely to get some monetary support for my work. especially in this very genuine way. so thanks bunches :) if you want to join, check out all the info on my campaign page and become my Patreon!

i'm catching up on paintings now after all the craziness so i'll be back to my regular schedule soon. i have one for today so i'll post that nowwwww!

Ruthenium, Rhodium, Palladium, Osmium, Iridium...

this is a golden retriever. they're not as valuable as a platinum retriever. unless you want to retrieve something other than precious metals. then i guess you'd want a [insert thing you need here] retriever.

After the Initial Disappointment, He Just Went Ahead and Became a Musician

someone offered this cat a bass and he got super pumped expecting a fish.

Or Maybe You're Seeing Through Her Head

i'm not sure if she has yellow eyes or just really reflective eyes.

Give Him Behind the Back. That's Even Doper

it looks like he's trying to give you a super-dope low five.

Only Pointing Out a Fact. Not Trying to Discredit Their Right to Be So

i made a joke about mascot stereotypes back when i painted Chief Wahoo. this painting made me wonder if anyone is offended by the Notre Dame Fighting Irish. i did some googling and it turns out there are, in fact, people offended by the Irish being represented by a belligerent leprechaun. also, it turns out that everything in existence offends at least one person if you google hard enough.

Can't Stereotype a Galactic Empire Soldier

this requester wanted to make sure that i painted one as a boy stormtrooper and one as a girl. little did she know, the boy is the one wearing the pink bow.

Flee the Destruction

they didn't go extinct. they just got the heck out of here before the jerk humans showed up.

Happily Ruined for Life

many years ago i came across the hungover owls tumblr. it's HILARIOUS. and since that moment i have not been able to see an image of an owl without thinking it's hungover. this painting is no exception.

Do I Have to Think of Everything?

if a rhinoceros had a baby with a horse, would it make a unicorn? why do i have to ask this question? why haven't you stepped up, science?

An Entire Movie for Just a Title Pun

i would like to see a remake of Hitchcock's "The Birds" using these instead. this brilliant film would be called "Heart Attack".

The Atlantic Ocean Isn't an Excuse Anymore

this is my eighth time painting a moose. (eleventh if you count the moose and bulldog and the two moose in love.) i've also painted eleven elk. they were the same paintings. because i just now learned that's what they're called in British English. though an Elk in North America is a completely different animal. this is confusing. come on, English speakers. get it together. it's not like we don't talk to each other all the time now on the internet.

Locationception

this is Lincoln looking at a framed artwork of Alabama. i like to think this is taking place in Lincoln, Alabama.