Math Is Different in Asia

yesterday was a family of penguins and today just happens to be a family of chinese zodiac signs. i guess in china, when you put a rat together with a pig, it makes two dragons.

Art for Another Species

when this requester first emailed me, she asked for two purple penguins. when i finally got to her on the wait list, the two purple penguins - that represented her twin children - had gotten a younger sister. so the final painting ended up being the whole family! i still don't understand how she typed me an email using her wings, though.

Still Laughing Hysterically as I Write This

this is for my good friend, Stevie. when she gets coffee and the barista asks what her name is, she always says "Bob" because it's a shortened version of her last name and it's basically impossible for someone to screw that up. BASICALLY impossible. one time, a barista wrote "Pab" instead. we have not stopped hysterically laughing about it since. like, it's inappropriate how funny we think it is. we call each other Pab. we tell other people they're "being a Pab" when they're being unfun. we joke that we have a band called The Pabs. Stevie now intentionally tells baristas to write Pab. and every time it just gets funnier. i don't claim to understand why. but i do love it.

Don't Think. Just Eat.

i read once that having appetizers will actually make you put on weight more than if you don't. not because it's more food, because if you eat a little bit before your meal, your body recognizes food is coming and has time to raise your insulin levels. then when your next round of food arrives, your body is more efficient at packing on the pounds. this transfers to even just being exposed to food before you eat. seeing and thinking about food can raise your insulin levels. basically what i'm saying is this art will make you fat.

The Act of Eating It Is Also Art

this is one of a series of two paintings of art. the next one will be a side of fries. yes, i think horribly unhealthy food is art.

Self Inflicted Desert

the requester asked me to use mardi gras colors for this. i think mardi gras is fantastic. it's a holiday built around binging. you have to be so hungover afterwards that it lasts for 40 days.

Stop It, Pineapples. Stop It Right Now.

last week, my friend showed me how pineapples grow. i now hate pineapples. seriously, go google image search "pineapples growing". it's so stupid. they're not on trees. they're, like, in the center of some stupid spiky plant thing. one at a time. it looks like what Dr. Seuss would draw if he made up the most ridiculous way for a fruit to grow. i'm so mad about it.

Maybe My 8 Years of Practice Is Finally Paying Off

i really like how this painting turned out. i'm not even into soccer or anything but for some reason i had trouble parting with this one. i couldn't even tell you why. and i didn't do anything differently when creating it. but this one just feels richer and more iconic and dimensional and less fraught with errors than most of the rest. i don't know if that's me complimenting my own work or insulting the whole series.

You Don't Necessarily Need Eyes to Stare

the lantern and the owl both have the same attitude. solemnly sitting and staring at you like you're invading their space.

Not Sure How They Google with Paws, Though

pit bulls are relieved that the rapper Pitbull made his name all one word, otherwise he would have screwed up their SEO.

Efficient Watching

i saw Frozen but i have no idea who this character is. Idina Menzel sings "Let It Go" halfway through the movie. that's all i needed and then i went back to painting.

Cute and Confusing

this is a robot sitting down. i was going to joke about how his primary function is sitting. then i thought that maybe he can't even stand up. but then that got me thinking, if he doesn't stand, does that mean what he's doing right now isn't sitting? like, for something being able to sit, does that necessitate it also being able to stand? i wish i could talk to this little guy because i feel like he would know.

Two High Things

eep! had a busy day and forgot to post. so two it is!



he's about to give another unicorn a high five. only they call it a low hoof.




to thank me for their painting, this company sent me a bunch of their coffee to try. incidentally, i've given up sleeping.

Opposite of a Tongue Twister

silver surfer has got to be the coolest superhero name of all time. it sounds and feels so awesome coming out of your mouth. go ahead. say it. out loud. it's even better when you say it over and over again.

silver surfer silver surfer silver surfer silver surfer silver surfer silver surfer silver surfer silver surfer silver surfer silver surfer silver surfer silver surfer silver surfer silver surfer silver surfer silver surfer silver surfer silver surfer silver surfer silver surfer silver surfer silver surfer silver surfer silver surfer silver surfer

now you just seem like a big weirdo staring at your computer making train noises

It's Hard to Google for "Green Lantern's Lantern"

i like the idea of the green lantern being sentient enough to play jumprope. for the life of me, i couldn't actually figure out what the lantern does. there are pictures of Hal Jordan holding it but the only accessory anyone every writes about with him is his ring. perhaps it's actually just a normal lantern that... like... lights things.

Cooler Than My Art

this cat [seen below] is pretty darn majestic. while i was working on this, i had the weird feeling that i wanted to impress him with the painting. i feel like the first time he sees it he would stare at it for six seconds and then give me one slow nod of partial approval.

The Ice Crew Needs to Get Capes

as a former Pittsburgh Pens Ice Crew member, i have something directly in common with superheroes. we both have careers that require spandex uniforms.

Hairy Carbs or Hairy Cartilage

this is a bearded ear. yes, you are seeing and reading correctly. the best part is what the requester said about it. i emailed him (three years after he first requested because that's how long the wait list is now) and asked my usual questions like 1) do you still exist? and 2) do you still want what you originally requested? he said this:

Hi, thanks for getting back to me, I knew you would! Three years ago I asked you for "bread hair", because it's the name of a song by They Might Be Giants and because I wasn't sure how a person would even paint that idea.

But now I've matured, and I can tell you what I really want a painting of. Please draw me a bearded ear.

so bread hair is immature and bearded ear is mature. ok cool.

Is the Subject Small or Is the Canvas Large?

the background is the star of this one.

Blue-Eyed Ball Battle

i really want to see jigglypuff fight kirby [see below]. i imagine it would be just a lot of bouncing off of each other and giggling.

Burden or Asset

this guy is Akuma from Street Fighter. he's also known as "the supreme master of the fist." he'd better be, considering they're the size of his head. otherwise he just had a crappy grade/middle school experience with no benefit.

Bill Watterson Also Needs to Start a Strip Featuring Them

this is my third Calvin and Hobbes painting. someone needs to request Susie and Mr. Bun.

Moo and Tweet Tweet Tweet

i just started back up again and i already forgot to post for a day? get it together, ali. sorry! here are two to make up for it :)



this is the best way to make an an alcoholic milkshake.




i don't even know what i'm painting anymore. this is just three black lines.

Introducing Queen Bey

he asked to be taken to our leader and our leader is Beyoncé.

Add Some Slobber Sounds in There, Too

this painting's filname is "dogball.jpg". kind of just seems like a mispronunciation of "dodgeball". perhaps it's how dodgeball sounds when a dog says it while holding a small, red ball in his mouth.

Maybe Moved by Art

this is graffiti from the Berlin Wall. when this requester first sent me the photo, i thought it was hideous. but after seeing it a few more times and in different photos, it's actually grown on me. i'm now giving some serious thought to acting up.

We're Here. We're Orange. Get Used to It

there are not enough representations of orange aliens in media. our culture is green alien biased and i'm here to put a stop to that.