Posting Penguins Until Next Year

this guy is the first of three penguins in a commissioned series. it's a larger version of a series i did a long time before starting my free paintings project. i used a similar style for a giraffe version as well. it's funny because this guy showed up in 2010 but his buddies won't be here until next year.

"Or" Does Not Equal "On"

this is the correct version of the error i made earlier. the first painting got mailed to Austin in Indiana because he asked. he even said please. well, "plz" but i figure that's close enough.

Greetings from the Future!

aw poop. i'm over an hour and a half late posting this. unless you're in colorado or california. then i'm still a responsible blogger. cause those people live in the past. and in case any of you westerners still living in yesterday are worried about the world ending, don't. tomorrow is going to happen. i'm totally there right now and the world is totally still here. so anyway this is a picture of a dude and a girl making a face at him. yep.

Separatist Rodent

mr. pilgrim mouse is number 10 of 10 armed animals. i saw a mouse in my apartment a couple weeks ago. at first i was scared but then i realized he wasn't carrying a tiny blunderbuss so i didn't have anything to worry about.

The Only Kangaroo in SAG

this guy was an extra in 300. you can see him in the background of some of the scenes. he would have had a better role but he couldn't get his abs up to par in time.

I Can Haz Intellectual Property

no, they're not lightsabers. they're sabers with blades that have a light-like quality.

At Least There's Some Red and Green

merry christmas! i'm celebrating by posting something that's not even remotely holiday themed. i'm in the middle of posting my armed animals series and i had to keep them all in a row. so sorry, jesus. the medieval giraffe is ruining your birthday.

DUUUCK!!!

how will soldiers know if a bomb is coming at them or if someone's just trying to say hi to this squad member? this guy shouldn't be allowed in the army for the same reason no guy named Roger can be a pilot.

Naked Terror!

for this one the requester wanted a "Crazy Terrorist Baby Seal". i refrained from giving it any clothing for fear of it turning out racist. wouldn't want my art screaming out my subconscious, now would we? according to my not subconscious (surconscious?....ok, conscious) terror has no standard fashion.

Painting Battle

this guy thinks he can take on SWAT bunny, chinese revolution shar-pei, and cowboy koala all at once. then he'll steal yoshi's cupcake. and ride away on snake's bike.

Rope a Pig for the Barbie

i thought koalas were from australia. but that can't be possible if this guy is a cowboy. i looked up "australian cowboy" and found out: There are cattle handlers in many parts of the world besides North America, particularly South America and Australia, who perform work similar to the cowboy in their respective nations. so i guess this guy can go bust broncos and smoke marlboros down under.

His Favorite Color Is Red. Though It Looks Gray to Him

he'd better keep those wrinkles out of his eyes or he might hurt someone with that gun. or his adorableness.

Those Ears Are Registered Weapons

this is the first in a series i'm calling Armed Animals. i got a commission for ten paintings of creatures with various weaponry.

this guy is about to move in to rescue his friend Peter from a hostage situation with a terrorist known as Mr. McGregor.

It's My Birthday So I'll Break My Rules If I Want To

i moved this post ahead a few days because i wanted him to arrive today. why you ask? because it's my birthday! and yoshi's bringing me a cupcake. yay! and yes, feel free to be impressed that i still work on my birthday.

How Is He Going to Signal Before He Turns?

really? do we need to taunt snakes any further? can't we leave appendage-less creatures alone?

Ben Folds, Brooke Shields, Britney Spears, Cher, Don Knotts, Elijah Wood, Julia Stiles, John Waters, Jordin Sparks, Kathy Bates, Stevie Nicks, Tyra Banks, Taye Diggs, Wesley Snipes

dexter painting number two. this actor's name is Michael C. Hall. His name is a sentence. "Michael, see hall." haha every time you say his name it's a command. i have a friend who's name is also a sentence: Margaret Burns. that's not just a sentence, its an urgent proclamation. "Margaret burns!!!"

Blood on the Canvas

back on land and back to painting.



this is one of two Dexter paintings commissioned from me. i've actually never seen this show. i used to watch a show called Dexter but that was "Dexter's Laboratory". it was about a boy genius. maybe he grew up to become a serial killer.

No Painting on the Ocean

bye. i'm going on a boat.

yep, a caribbean cruise vacation until next week. to that you might say, "hey, ali, you've been traveling a lot lately". and to that i reply, "see you next week!"

This Dude's a Giant Wiener

now that's marketing. nothing makes me want a hot dog like a guy dressed up as one.

Maybe If Your Companies Were More Famous I Could Recognize Their Logos in Very Low Res

this painting is brought to you by AT&T, Nationwide Insurance.... Inferior...um...Canker (looks like it has something to do with horses because there might be one on its hind legs next the the red square in the logo) and Some-long-word Electric Power.

or i guess i could just click on the image to see it bigger.

Yes, Yellow Does Make Your Butt Look Big

of course yellow is eating ice cream. he's clearly the fat m&m character of the red and yellow duo. even though both characters are shaped like m&m's. you can just tell he's the fat one.

A Patron with Twice the Usual Number of Legs

the dog commissioned this painting for the girl as a christmas present. he mailed me a chipmunk he killed as a donation. ok, not really....the girl mailed it for him cause he has no thumbs.

More Proof They Can't Not Be Cute

no, this chinchilla isn't a part of a series with yesterdays chinchilla. i actually got two requests for a chinchilla from two different people IN A ROW! and they were both specifically white chinchillas. whooooa. and for the skeptics out there, i know they're not from the same person trying to scam me because both of them sent reference pictures of different pets. ok i guess that's still not total proof but i'm pretty positive this is just an interesting coincidence.

Subjectively Cute

it's scientifically proven that chinchillas cannot be photographed looking un-cute. in no way is it physically possible to view a chinchilla, no matter what the angle, that is not decidedly adorable.

You Can't Own a Camaro Without a Mississippi Mudflap

when i say "art for everyone" i really mean it. where else in the world can a mullet owner also have an original commission?

Turtles Are Still the League Leaders with Eleven

turntables vs. elephants

turntables: 8
elephants: 7

after being tied in popularity for five months, turntables pull ahead!

Consume These Products and Look Like Him

eggs and jif really landed a killer product endorser. Eggs and Jif: The Breakfast of Dark Knights. Part of a balanced caped crusade.

Multitasker

i have returned from vegas! it's good to be back throwing my money away on art instead of into a slot machine.



this is a machine for sewing. or knocking people out with a swift bash to the head. or holding a door open. or uncomfortably seating yourself one foot off of the ground. i think this machine works for all of those things.

Las Vegas No. 4

the years just keep coming at me. this will be my fourth annual trip to vegas with my mommy. see you after thanksgiving!

I Should Make This Title Have Nothing to Do with the Post

why is a horse like a clapperboard? no really. tell me. i do believe these two things have absolutely nothing to do with each other. maybe this requester worked on the movie Seabiscuit.

Some Slow Art

the last time i painted this guy was over three years ago. over that time he managed to move three inches closer to me and turn to his right.

There Must Be More Smog Today Because the Sky Turned Purple

this was a result of me losing track of my unclaimed paintings inventory. i offered an earlier new york painting to someone not realizing that it already had a home and was mailed off. so i painted her another JUUUST like it. almost. i couldn't help but at least change the background.

it's been about three years since i've had a similar mishap although it wasn't exactly the same. not too bad for having mostly kept track of what is now 1,306 paintings. i thought i would have screwed things up more often than that by now. i wonder if i've ever accidentally mailed the wrong painting to anyone. you requested a unicorn? too bad. an angry robot shows up in your mailbox.

Crowded Blooms

gerberas are plants from the sunflower family. though, unlike my previous sunflower paintings, they have to share the canvas among three of them. also, the title of this post would make a good band name.

A Subject and His Lunch

this guy should be hung over top of this one from a while ago.

Now I Won't Be Confused When I Come Across One in the Wild

the person that requested this asked for a "fish with wheels" because he's "quite a fan of broom broom fishies." i had no idea what he was talking about. urban dictionary defines broom broom fish as, "Simply a fish (usually salmon or trout) with wheels. They are very difficult to catch, as they can escape from you at high speeds both in water and on land." ah. i should have known.

I Should Try Wearing My Free Paintings

this request was from an old teacher of mine that makes jewelry on the side. we met for lunch so i could give her the painting in person. she wore the ring she designed that day and over the course of our 40 minute meal, THREE people stopped to say they loved it!

Mom, Dad and Mutant

haha after looking at this i'm glad i happened to arrange them in this order because a platypus is like a cross between a duck and a beaver. if you read it from left to right you can see what it looks like when a duck morphs in to a beaver.

Hey Kids! Smokey the Dog Says, "Follow Me!"

the dog's name is smokey. this would be a lot funnier if i painted him smoking a cigarette.

They Tolerate Red If It's Surrounded by Black and White

i wonder how they would have felt if i decided to give them a purple background. i hear executives only like the color gray.

See. Then Pee. Also...F?

this is based on a tattoo on the requester's ankle. she wanted me to add a triangle of vines intertwining the letters. too bad "F" isn't a verb or this tattoo would be a series of three commands.

Even If You Weren't Flightless, Ur Doin It Wrong

i don't have the heart to tell him that 1) you need to flap both wings in order to fly and 2) that still won't work.

I Don't Do Ugly Well

cthulhu is a character created by horror author H. P. Lovecraft. it's often cited for the extreme descriptions given of its hideous appearance, its gargantuan size, and the abject terror that it evokes. cthulhu is often referred to in science fiction and fantasy circles as a tongue-in-cheek shorthand for extreme horror or evil. this adorable painting is my best representation of extreme horror and evil.

Sock It to Me

sock monkey got punched a lot in grade school. stupid homonyms.

And the Castle Is a Moblie Home in a Costume

that's actually a dude in a wig. don't tell the little girl who got the painting.