Music Store Free Paintings Portfolio

Sunday, January 31, 2016

I'm Surprised We Still Use Headphone Technology

This request was for a green-background version of a painting I did seven and a half years ago. DANG. I've been doing this a long time.

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Bear Brunching and Bird Businessing

Ah! Yesterday was super busy for me, in the out-of-my-house-appointments-not-working-at-my-laptop sense. So yesterday's painting is going up today.

Sometimes I eat leaning over the sink, like every normal bachelor. Pandas eat sitting down. They know how to live.

You always see owls in graduation outfits. But what happens after that? They get white-collar jobs with their degrees.

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Veggies Eating Veggies

He looks lost in that broccoli forest. He might have to eat his way out. Would that make him a cannibal?

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

The Rowers in Windy Areas Have Smaller Arms

I was thinking I painted this unintelligently because there is a sail AND a paddle. Then I remembered I based it on actual images of viking ships. So why are there two power options? Do they use them together? Is rowing just a backup for times when there's a lack of wind? All vikings that read my blog, please inform me.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

This Just Turned Into Fan Art

This is my portrait of the internet genius, Leslie Hall. She likes to say she presents herself in "strangely glamorous and unflattering ways" which is about the coolest thing I've ever heard. She's weird online for a living and went to art school and is hilarious and now I'm thinking this sentence could be about me and now I've convinced myself I totally want to meet her.

Monday, January 25, 2016

On America's Hand

This is the city right below the thumb.

Sunday, January 24, 2016

Death Now Has Speed

2,900 people are killed by hippos annually in Africa. 1 person is killed each year in the US and fewer than 6 worldwide are killed by sharks. So yeah. This cute little guy is way deadlier than a shark. And I gave him a motorbike. OH NO, WHAT HAVE I DONE!

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Pig Dropped Some Whiskey in His

Does alcohol tolerance vary species to species? It seems like a drinking contest would be unfair when one of them has hollow bones and the other is made of ham.

Friday, January 22, 2016

I'm Forgetting the Background

This is a dog painted in the colors that a dog can see.

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Orange You Disappointed in Me?

I just now realized I should have made the margarita yellow. He definitely likes banana flavored drinks best.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

No Cheeks or Thumbs

How is he keeping that on his eye? Wait, how did he get it there in the first place?

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Finger Motions Are Precious

Remember when I told you to click on the painting to see the photograph I painted from? Well I'm feeling less lazy today so here you go. No need to waste your time on a whole click. Though you still should because there's another hilarious caption on the next page. And also click subscribe on all platforms and donate and watch every one of my YouTube videos. Anyway, here's a dog in a hat.

Monday, January 18, 2016

Fix a Mirror

What happens when a white cat crosses your path? That should be good luck, right?

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Photo to Painting to Photo of Painting

Sorry, my Saturday got a bit too Funday so I forgot to post.

Both of these paintings are based on photographs. Seeing the pictures I painted from would really add to a viewer's appreciation of them, I think. But I'm too lazy to put them here so click on the paintings to see please and thanks.

Did you click through on the first one? Did it increase your enjoyment of the painting? Or am I wrong? Does anything matter? Should we all just nap with a beer?

Friday, January 15, 2016

I May Be Too Easily Baffled

The word "Basset" is blowing my mind right now. It contains the words bass, a, as, ass, asset and set. One word has six other words inside it. WHAT.

Thursday, January 14, 2016

His Primary Function Is Being Blue

If robots having emotions becomes a thing, the first one that can feel sad should have this guy's coloring and name. (Which is Bluebot.)

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Step Away from the Burger

The guy in charge of policing vegans sticking to their commitment.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Objectifying Art

Objects are generally my thing. You'll understand that from a quick scroll through my gallery. Environments don't lend themselves well to my style. This request was for "a painting that somehow incorporated woods and possibly a beach". So I basically turned the ocean and land into objects and then distilled the woods down to one object. Maybe the sky is an object, too.

Monday, January 11, 2016

Two Paintings and One Big Word

Sorry, my Sunday got a bit too Funday so I forgot to post.

The thing in your hands when you're wasting time.

This reminds me of the literary device called Synecdoche. It's when a part of something refers to the whole of something. Like calling business men "suits" or calling soldiers "boots". The specific example this made me think of is counting how may "head of cattle". I know it's quite loosely tied to this painting but I couldn't think of anything else to talk about so there's a tiny English lesson for you.

Saturday, January 9, 2016

Beatbox Turtle

He keeps that on his back in case he has to spontaneously karaoke at any point.

Friday, January 8, 2016

He Flew from YouTube and Landed Here

Today's painting was a time lapse in my Free Paintings video series and given away yesterday. I would write about it here as usual, but I've already gone in depth about it, talking straight at your face. So go watch those instead.

Thursday, January 7, 2016

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Loose End

In 2013, I held a crowdfunding campaign to tour my concert across the country. Here's that business if you didn't hear me rant about it back then. One of the reward levels was an original painting from me. 70 people claimed that reward. 69 people responded with their mailing address once I had finished their painting after a couple months. I didn't hear back from the guy that asked for a baby kraken. I followed up a few times but I ended up auctioning off the painting for charity at DEFCON 2014 because he never responded. Until now! He messaged me recently, very politely asking if I'd gotten to his painting. Over two years later. So duh, I painted him a new, even better version. (But don't tell the original painting I said that.) I'm really glad there's no longer a debit I owe floating out there in the universe.

Monday, January 4, 2016

Party Like a Robot

The first painting of 2016!! A partybot to ring in the new year.