Music Store Free Paintings Portfolio

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Taking a Break That Was Forced Upon Me

as you may have noticed, this is a painting-less post. why? well, i live in LA now! i moved here about a week and a half ago! it's been a pretty big/crazy/cool change. i'm here with just two suitcases and my guitar waiting for all my stuff to get shipped here. i set it up so that my paint was separate from the rest of my crap and would arrive here a few days after i did. when i got here, i did a bulk order of 100 canvases. i had it all figured out. plus, i made sure i had a backlog of paintings so i could keep posting once a day until my paint arrived.

my paint has yet to arrive :( it got returned to sender for some reason. so i'm here with 100 canvases and my paint is on it's way back to Pittsburgh. i thought i did everything i needed to do to give you uninterrupted, Free Painting service. turns out i was wrong. so i apologize. as soon as my stuff gets here i'll start arting for you again!

Monday, January 19, 2015

Pokemon Would Also Be Acceptable



i just want a weird, adorable, hyper intelligent pet with vague linguistic skills. is that too much to ask?

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Might as Well Add a Knife to the Handle



i've expressed my hatred for portmanteaux in the past. sporks are physical portmanteaux. it's so fitting because the way a spork makes you feel is also my reaction to this literary device. you just want to sip your soup and you get stabbed in the tongue. or you want to pick up your chicken but you can't stab it deep enough to stop it from falling off before making it to your mouth. it's just all around annoying and uncomfortable. uncomfortnnoying.

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Much Meme



so painting. very glasses. such free. many near sighted. wow.

Friday, January 16, 2015

Resting Bitter Face



he's so angry. skulls actually look pretty cheery in real life because their eyes are wide and you see all their teeth. or maybe people that look angry all the time actually have a furrowed-brow skull and teeth set in a downward arch.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Art Imitates Life



in the intro of Tom and Jerry cartoons, Tom is pictured inside an O and he repeatedly stretches his neck upwards to tap/smoosh his head on the surface above him (see image below). i remember watching as a kid and thinking it was odd. i wondered why the animators made him do that. now i know.



Wednesday, January 14, 2015

At Least Giant Movie-Watching Hats Never Took Off



this request made me think about what it would be like if pickles were a movie snack. then i thought, "nah, that wouldn't be good because they're crunchy". which lead me to... how did popcorn end up being THE movie snack?! it's super noisy. come on, culture! it should be angel food cake or cottage cheese or crustless peanut butter sandwiches or something.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Turn Back Now. Danger. This Post Is Toxic



skull and lacrosse bones. lacrosse that off my list. don't get lacrosse with me. why did the chicken lacrosse the road? i'm going to do a lacrosseword puzzle. jesus died on the lacrosse. lacrosse reference your work. blue lacrosse blue sheild. use the lacrossewalk. chris lacrosse will make you, jump jump. we'll lacrosse that bridge when we come to it. run lacrosse country. lacrosse my heart and hope to die.

Monday, January 12, 2015

Like How Pollock Was Too Lazy to Touch the Canvas



this background color is the result of me not rinsing my brush when going from blue to green. i think it's pretty splendid. sometimes laziness improves art.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

All I Want for Christmas Is for Singing Strangers to Give Me Free Alcohol



this is the label for Tuborg Julebryg, a seasonal beer from denmark that's released every year on the first friday of november and is only available for 10 weeks. the release is known as "J-day" and it's even in the danish dictionary. Carlsberg employees drive around to bars and caf├ęs singing a traditional Tuborg Christmas Brew song and handing out a free beer to the guests to mark the start of the season. this painting just made my bucket list longer.

Saturday, January 10, 2015

I'm Not Xenophobic. It's Just My Patrons



this is "hello" when spoken by an ESL Asian. sooooo... kinda racist?

Friday, January 9, 2015

Sand Is Also Prevalent



i feel like when he plays, everywhere is a water hazard.

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Old Man vs. Child Actually Sounds Like an Even Match



Einstein died in 1955. Spider-Man first appeared in Marvel Comics in 1962. Peter Parker was a teenager. let's say he was 19. that means this arm wrestling battle must have happened when he was 12 or younger and Einstein was almost dead.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Fair Fight



masks are pretty scary but i feel like the dude with the gun has the advantage.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

I Just Invented the Question Laugh



i usually don't have heavy themes to my paintings but this one can be an exception. get it? cause there are two anchors. haha?

Monday, January 5, 2015

Really Letting This Blog Go



this is a Shar Shepard and German Pei. er.... whatever. close enough.

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Sushi Burger



this is a cowfish. would eating one of these ruin pescetarian's diet?

Saturday, January 3, 2015

If He Hadn't Changed It, He Would Probably Be a Newscaster



David Bowie's given name is "David Robert Jones". i think it would have been ok if he'd kept it. i mean, it's no "Ziggy Stardust" but it's certainly better than "John Mellencamp".

Friday, January 2, 2015

LA Rolls with Chicago and Philly, Too



chicago is the third most populous city in the U.S. (after new york and los angeles). you'd think it'd be the capital of it's state. but it isn't. i always think that about philadelphia, too. i mean, it used to be the nation's capital but it can't be the capital of it's own state? i wonder if it hates harrisburg. i bet philly and chicago get along because they understand each other. they're in gang together against springfield and harrisburg.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

And What About an Air Starter?



this is definitely my favorite of the three starter Pokemon. he's fire! Bulbasaur is grass. Squirtle is water. who the heck would want grass or water over kickbutt fire? well, Misty - the world's greatest water Pokemon trainer - would choose water over fire. nonsense! yeah, i don't get it but i was able to do some serious acting to get into character last Dragon*Con.