Music Store Free Paintings Portfolio

Thursday, August 29, 2013

If the Product Is Free, Is the Customer Still Always Right?

this will be my last post until next week because i'm headed to Dragon*Con! i'll paint again after the geek party is over.

this stuffed dog was painted from a photo. my original version of this painting had no tail just like the picture. the requester was not happy you couldn't see the tail. so i went back and made the edit. so much for being true to life. it's completely unrealistic now.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Kids Show, Adult Beverage

this makes me want to do a series of kids' entertainment stars doing things kids can't. actually, it mostly just makes me want to find Steve from Blues Clues in real life and play a Power Hour with him.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Monday, August 26, 2013

Don't Tell Anyone I Searched Like Grandma Once

i was wondering so i Googled "why are motherboards green?" it turns out, there's no real reason for that being the industry standard. it just happened to be used at first and it caught on. there are other colors now for aesthetic purposes such as computers with clear covers.

also, i'm now a person that has typed an entire question as a Google search. ugh, how embarrassing. i'd rather have porn on my internet history.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

His Shield Stops Him from Becoming a Broken Link

little did his parents know, link's name would become a widely used noun in the age of the internet.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Should Have Painted a PBR in His Hand

this is a bearded dragon. the hipster of the lizard world.

Friday, August 23, 2013

Thursday, August 22, 2013

The Color of My City

i love pittsburgh sports because we're the only city where all our teams wear the same colors. black and gold doesn't just mean Steelers OR Pirates OR Penguins. it means pittsburgh. and that's kickbutt.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

I'm Not Being Funny Today Because I'm Too Busy Being Baffled by This Guy

this guy's story is insane! so is he. go read about Emperor Norton because it's freakin' fascinating. his life story is unlike anyone else's.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

That Extra Oomph to Make It Happen

when you first look at this guy you think he's built too heavy and clunky to actually have the mechanics to fly. then you see his ears.

Monday, August 19, 2013

This Pun's for You...tensil

every day i dish out a painting. and spoon feed art to my readers in hopes it gives them a knife day. i never ask the requester to fork over any money. this painting is kind of silverwear i usually use lots of colors. china cute, isnt it? that gives this artwork a place setting it apart from the others. i hope the person that receives it doesn't lay it flatware no one can see it.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Paid to Talk

a portrait for a voice-over actor. this dude says things for a living.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Smoke Is the Zzzzz of the Dragon World

there's a fine line between painting something sleeping and painting something dead. i'm pretty sure that's why "Zzzzzz" was developed for cartoons. well, us fine artists don't have the liberty of using such devices. hopefully the smoke is a good enough indication that this is not, in fact, a corpse.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Adding Linguist to My Resume

the filename for this photo is "dogsbaby.jpg". as I've mentioned in the past, "dogbaby" is an interjection used when a person wants to tell someone they are understood and should continue speaking. (later illustrated in this example.) here's my proposal for what this new word, dogsbaby, should mean:
Dogsbaby interjection
1. Used by a listener to express that the listener didn't comprehend what the speaker is communicating and that the speaker should clarify
2. A very similar filename to "dogbaby.jpg"

Person 1: I was fishing at the networking event.
Person 2: Dogsbaby.
Person 1: Sorry, I mean not literally fishing. I was fishing for new hires.

awesome! now with "dogbaby" and "dogsbaby", communication will be so much easier!

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Inaccurate Art

there's one of these in you. it looks nothing like how i painted it.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Racist Art

i make sure to change it up every time i paint one of these so no one can say all my asian dragons look the same.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Self Portraits, on the Other Hand...

some dude likes his car enough to have it immortalized in a painting. something i can't understand. though to be fair, i can't understand it with pets or children either.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

8-bit Impressionist

i'm like monet if he was born in the 80s.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

I Paint the Impossible

i don't know how this bike is standing on its own. i've never seen a bike do this. and yet, i'm able to create it in my brilliant artistic mind and then bring it to life in my brilliant artistic painting.

Friday, August 9, 2013

Free Is in Quotes

one of the shows i played in Vegas this past weekend was for the Electronic Frontier Foundation at the hacker convention known as DEF CON. they were raising money with an auction so i donated this painting. yeah, they charged lots of money for a free painting.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

She'll Have to Lay Off The Purple Hair Dye, Too

sure that tramp stamp is cute now but what about when she gets older? don't you just hate seeing tattoos on aging unicorns?

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

This Story Assumes Sea Monkeys Have Ears

timmy was a freak from birth. a rare defect gave him unwebbed hands and he was bullied for it throughout grade school. then he picked up a banjo. (yes, sea monkeys had invented banjos but no one knew what to do with them because of their webbed hands.) now timmy is a rockstar and other sea monkeys are getting cosmetic de-webbing surgeries to be like him.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

You'll See This Nowhere Else

this was requested by a guy from australia that has a group of friends on the internet that make this hand signal. one of the best parts of this project is that everyone gets something unbelievably personal. sure, this guy could have gone to ikea or urban outfitters and gotten a bright, pop art print for his wall. but he would have found something generic, not something uniquely perfect for him. also he would have had to pay.

Monday, August 5, 2013

It's His Electrifying Personality

this is the outlet. he's a diva. he steals focus away from me in lots of my YouTube videos. he's cool enough that my fans will request paintings of him over me.